That jokes
I feel sorry that your hairline deployed from war with your forehead.
What is something that smells yuck? 🤮
Old bus seats.
How about that airplane food? I eat it when I'm high.
What do you do when a French kid steals your pencil?
Load your MP-40 and tell him that you give him a history lesson on WWII.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Polo G is the goat, but that means nothing to you.
Why don't churches have WiFi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
Damn, that joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
Yo mama so fat that when she saw Thanos and he tried to snap her out of existence, it didn't work, and he said, "Man, I quit!"
Q: What do you call a cat living with a vet? A: A dead, shrivelled up cat on her death bed that is attached to their owner.
Isn't It Purrfect!
Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.
Roses are red, that much is true. But violets are purple, not fucking blue.
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
- That girl was hot. - She's my cousin!
Boosterthon asks to raise up to $35,000.
I donate $35,000. I ask, "What's my prize?" Boosterthon worker says, "Here's a headband." Me: "I donated the goal, so is that it?" Boosterthon worker: "No, it's $35,000 per person." I pass out. Boosterthon worker goes back to work like it is a regular day.
Don’t you hate it when your teacher(s) say, “just focus, it’s that easy?”
And then you die inside.
The man fired from the World Trade Center on September 10.
That is just plain wrong.
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
What do you get when you cross a bisexual male that is a catholic priest and a christian police officer that is a bisexual male and a born again homophobic heteroflexable male that is a christian nationalist who is in the closet a gay man that needs to be force out of the closet by any means necessary?
Officer: Hi, how high are you?
Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"
Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.
Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.
Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
My teacher gave us an assignment, and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I answered, "Happy."
The teacher said I didn't understand the test. I said to her that she didn't understand life.