That jokes
Yo mama is so fat that when I was printing a picture of her last year, it's still printing.
I asked my mother about her mom.
She said she was in a better place. After that, I asked her where that place is. She didn't know, so I sent her to a better place.
So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.
That’s the punch line.
When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup are consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not!"
I really wanna hit you right now, but that would be animal abuse.
My balls are so purple that I use them as crayons, and I am not talking about the balls you play with. I am talking about the boy balls.
Dam, sometimes when I look at my friend's head, I say, "Dam, that's a dam big head, Nick." Then he is like, "Dude, that's a literal dam."
Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.
Your hairline goes so far back that even Gavin, who looks like a monkey, can't see it!
Yo mama so ugly that when she went to an ugly contest, they said she wasn’t allowed because no professionals were allowed.
Your mama's so fat that she's bigger than the Titanic.
An Asian walked up to another Asian that was crying.
He asked, "Is somting wong?"
The other guy says, "I was i a noh paking zon."
What do you call grass that grows in space?
Astro-turf.
What do you call a garage that is gay?
A gyarge.
Best friend makes joke about 9/11.
Me: My pop was a part of that!
Best friend: So sorry!
Me: My pop was the pilot of the plane, he flew through 89 floors.
My dad was in the plane in 9/11, and he was the smart one that convinced everyone. He said, "We're fucked."
Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?
Little Johnny: "Your wife."
Why did the priest go to the clothing sale at Walmart?
He heard that little boy's pants were half off.
Friends, who's your barber? They mess up big time.
Me.
You're just jealous because my dad cuts my hair for free, and you have to be paying 30 dollars just for that short-ass cut.
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*