That jokes

What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?

Answer: The family tree!

Today there was a line to punch me.

Yeah, that was the punch line.

We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class.

I started playing the Angry Birds theme song. That didn't fly well with people, the teacher yelled at me like a bomb, and I landed on the ground.

Your eyebrows and hairline are so far apart that when Dora the Explorer went and found your hairline and was trying to find your eyebrows, the map couldn't even tell her.

You're so fat that when you go on a walk with your friends, it looks like they are orbiting you.

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

Hello everyone, I would just like to apologize for participating in the protest and everything else I said. I was wrong and have recently found a way to see all these jokes as funny. I hope that you all can forgive me. ALYA

Your mini pecker is so small, the taxi driver said the ride was so short that he'd do it for free.

When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...

But they know you're blind.

My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"

I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"

You're so white that when I turn off the lights, you're a night light.

What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.

I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.

Every Cobra Kai joke that was made, it's just me.

Yo mama so fat...

That when she used a jump rope... Every time she jumped caused a giant cataclysm!

My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.

No, they will be wondering what I look like.

What do you call a phone that talks?

A reader in a leader.

DB: I'm the only shotgun with more than 1 barrel!

Lancaster: Are you sure about that?

DB: huh?

Lancaster: I have 4 barrels!

DB: WHAT!?

Penta Barrel: I got 5!

DB: *insert becoming uncanny*

Dual Hexagon shotgun: I got 12!

The others: HOW!?

*and that's how an argument started.*

There were three women, one was curvy in all the right places, one was skinny but had a booty on her, and last but not least there’s one that has a BBL. Then comes in a famous rapper, guess which one he picked???

So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.

I'm scared that it moves at night.

I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.