That jokes
What pool never runs dry?
The one on the Titanic.
So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.
The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.
So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
(I'm Asian so I can say this.) If I say that we are made of money, that just means you can fit pennies through our little eye slits, and we can save them for you in there!
This guy went to the gas station to get some gas, and as he asked the cashier for gas he noticed a terrible smell. He asked what the smell was and the cashier replied, "That's your gas, cuz I farted. Now hand me the 20 bucks!"
The guy said, "No, not the kind that comes from your ass, but the kind you put in a car!" The cashier says, "That fart was worth 20 bucks, so beat it!"
Guy says, "I need real gas, nothing about your ass impresses me!" Then another guy gets in line and says, "I know the guy personally, we grew up together. Always trying to be the cool kid in school, bragging about his big horse's ass...no wonder he was always the *butt* of all jokes!"
What do ya call an emo that's hung himself? Hangman.
That's a knee slapper, or should I say, a wheel slapper?
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.
Little Johnny walks in on his mom taking a shower and slips and falls under her, and he says, "What's that, Mama?" She says, "That's just an old bear." He says, "He's a mean bear." She says, "Why's that?" He says, "He's got blood in on eye and shit in the other."
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
When they say beat that pussy, I don’t play so punch it.
Your balls are growing too big that they will pop like a balloon!
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
What's the best part about duck tape?
It turns "No, no, no!" into "Mmmm, mmmmm, mmmmm!"
It makes it real easy to get to home base on that first date, too.
Yo mama so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t.
Your mama is so ugly! Ghostface from Scream won't even make that call!
Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.
Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
Your mom is so fat that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.