That jokes

I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.

I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.

So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.

That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

Your hairline is so bad that it makes Lebron's hairline look normal.

Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

What's a man's favorite thing that starts with "m" and ends with "arriage?"

Miscarriage.

What is the difference between a gay male who is not physically challenged giving a blowjob to a gay male that is not physically challenged, and a gay male who is physically challenged giving a blowjob to a gay male who is not physically challenged?

A gay male who is not physically challenged who receives a blowjob from a gay male who is physically challenged would still not believe that the physically challenged male is gay because the gay male who is not physically challenged is the definition of an asshole.

What’s the only type of batteries that they use in prisons? Duracell.

Why are orphans so good at tennis?

Because that’s the only love they get.

My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.

If I don't find a reason to live soon, my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... Until they are flashing behind you!

A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.

"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.

"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."

The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"

She said, "Not everybody paid."

A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone.

It’s either really terrible news or really great news.

What can you say about planes that you can say about stocks?

They both be flying??

I told my boyfriend one time when I was drunk that I like being raped. The next day, he comes over and says, "Want to have sex?" I said no. He was arrested two days later.

Little Johnny walked in on his mom in the shower and said, "What's that on your chest, Mom?" Mom said, "Those are my headlights." Johnny: "Oh. What's that in between your legs, Mom?" Mom: "Oh, that's my bush." Johnny: "Oh, OK." Next, he walked in on his dad in the shower. He said, "Dad, what's that in between your legs?" Dad: "Oh, that's my snake." Johnny: "Oh, OK." That night, little Johnny walks in on his parents going at it and said, "Mom, turn on his headlights, there's a snake going in your bush!"

Your hairline goes so far back that even your mom couldn’t see it.

Bully: You're so short you hand-glide on a chip.

Short person: Well, at least I don’t look like a giraffe that just came out of an oven!

Lol, 1 week anniversary of me being on Worst Jokes Ever...

J0K35: *LETS START A JOKING KEGGAR*

A Joking keggar is where I get you drunk with some jokes, only on a special occasion.

Okay, y'all ready to get drunk with raging jokes? OK LETS GOOOOo

What do you call an LGBTQ+ disc jockey?

A DG (dee gay)

What does lava use when it can't walk properly?

A volCANEo

What do crackheads do when a black man got brutalized?

They start a HIGHot (say it like hi-ot, _riot_)

What is Satan's favorite DJ?

MarshHELLo

What do neck breakers use?

Snapchat

What did Twitter and Reddit eat with chocolate and marshmallows?

Instagraham crackers

Is this the last joke?

No

What is similar between a dog and my ex?

They are both commonly known as bitches

What number has a flu from a pig?

Nine flu (swine flu)

What did the loaf say when he was playing hide and seek?

BREADY OR NOT? HERE I GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Who is the best anime girl?

Well, it's pretty obvious 02 is on the second rank

Why did Sally get caned?

Because old men hurriCANED.

That was all

OR WAS IT?

Yes, it was (Come back on Halloween for another Joking Keggar)