That jokes
Your mama is so fat that when she sat down on the couch for a family picture, it was just her.
Is that ass a water barrier 'cause dam[n]?
What do you call a short person that goes to school?
A Sammie.
BF: Babe, I have two questions.
GF: Ok, ask!
BF: Where have you been all my life?
GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?
BF: Can you please go back there?
I saw a little boy playing alone in the street. I told him that was a bad idea, then asked for his parents.
God, orphanages are fun to work at!!
I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.
I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. That's why orphanages exist!
This is a 2 for 1 plane combo that will never exist.
But, it's like a plane pizza.
Nothing happens, but it terrorizes me.
When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.
Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!
Yo mama is so fat that when she was at school, they needed a satellite to take her school photo.
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Me: How does this thing work?
ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.
ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*
Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.
I was born and raised in Newcastle.
My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.
Your forehead's so big that you dream in 4k.
I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.
I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."
*P.O.V orphan wanting to go on school trip/camp*
Teacher: “Can I have your parent's signature? It isn’t filled out.”
Orphan: “Um yeah.... That’s gonna be hard....”
Teacher: “Why?”
Orphan: “I just have to find them first....”
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
In a game, there are crew members that have to keep the ship running. But little did they know, there was an imposter among them.
Sound familiar? 🤔
Well, in September 11th...