That Jokes

The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-d.

Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.

Everyone, if I am not online, that is because I am on a vacation, so yeah.

In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?

Because Flash is not supported on Windows.

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

Virus Scam????

The image shows a woman with a distressed expression. Above her head the text says "VIRUS SCAN?" Underneath her the text reads: "AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!"

When an orphan takes a selfie, is that their family photo?

Yo mama is so strict that Thanos couldn't collect the Infinity Stones until he had done his homework.

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

What do you call a cat that walks slowly?

CATerpillar

Why don't churches have WiFi?

They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

The boyfriend says to the explosive dude: "You're the bomb!" The explosive dude says: "Wow, that was Whitty."

What do you call an orphan that takes a selfie?

A family portrait.

You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"