That jokes

Russia vs Ukraine be like that COD Modern Warfare mission. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Does anyone know what's going on with all the creeps that joined and restart your school laptop to get everything unblocked?

I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.

I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!

I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.

Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.

Don’t you hate it when your teacher(s) say, “just focus, it’s that easy?”

And then you die inside.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese. Okay, I can't do this anymore.

What do you call a short person that goes to school?

A Sammie.

They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. That's why orphanages exist!

This is a 2 for 1 plane combo that will never exist.

But, it's like a plane pizza.

Nothing happens, but it terrorizes me.

Your forehead's so big that you dream in 4k.

I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.

I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!

When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.

Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.

I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

Me: How does this thing work?

ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.

ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*

Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.

I was born and raised in Newcastle.

My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.

The only difference between you and Jesus is that Jesus believed in himself.

BF: Babe, I have two questions.

GF: Ok, ask!

BF: Where have you been all my life?

GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?

BF: Can you please go back there?

I saw a little boy playing alone in the street. I told him that was a bad idea, then asked for his parents.

God, orphanages are fun to work at!!