That jokes

I had a dream that I was destroying the world, and I blew up my house for fun. I woke up and couldn't find my pillow... nor the house.

What do you call a bee that produces milk? Booby.

Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."

Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."

Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.

As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."

Waiter: "Here you go, one medium-rare steak."

Me: "I like it well done."

Waiter: "Thanks, that means a lot!"

I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.

If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

Do you know that no one finds Hitler a great guy?

But he really saved the History Channel.

What's something that 9/10 people enjoy? A gangbang.

When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.

You're so ugly that your birth certificate is an apology.

People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.

The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

A piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.

"Oh, Bunsen, my flame," the sodium swooned. "I melt whenever I see you!"

The Bunsen burner replied, "Calm down. It's just a phase you're going through."

My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

My wife hates that I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and went right.

Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.