That jokes

What do you call a white man that’s blind?

Asian eyes.

Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.

Yo mama so stupid that she shit and farted on you, asshole!

When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.

You hear that? That’s the sound of me not caring.

Okay, what do you call a dummy that writes a dumb writer?

Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Peter: Ha, joke’s on you! I don’t have a mother.

Tony, having a heart attack: ASFJDHJWNSGREGEJDHFWVWHUSYSG PETER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.

Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.

What do you call a washed vegetable? A disabled kid that needs a towel.

I heard a joke about chocolate.

It wasn’t that funny.

I just Snicker-ed.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

The first time you have a new phone, you have a different one. You can change your phone to a new phone, but it doesn’t change the phone, it’s just different. I think it will work. I just think it would look good, and then it would work, but you don’t know if it’s the right thing for the new one. You just know it’s the wrong. It’s a bad phone. It’s a new thing. It’s the same for different every day, but it doesn’t look, and I think so it’s not a good, but it works, so it’s different, so it’s different for the new phone, and it doesn’t have to work on it. It doesn’t matter to the same for you know it’s just the one but it doesn’t have the one that I can do a lot better and I can just use my new one, but it is not that the new iPhone, so you have the one that’s the other is that I have the same thing and it’s the same phone, but I have to get the new iPhone. I just want it and then you have a good and it’s a different number so it’s just like so it’s just one, but you know it’s not like I have the new iPhone so you know it’s just one so it’s a little more than just the one and it will get the new phone so it’s just easier and cheaper for the money but it won’t cost much more to pay off your car than to get the phone for the next two weeks weeks or even two years to to have the car car fixed so it’s easier and quicker and I will be happy I’m happy happy I’m so excited excited thank y all and I will talk soon and have you have an update as to the results soon thank ya again so far hope all goes all are good hope to be in your class today love and have you been in your dreams hope all your day too bye.

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that always comes out of your mouth?

Water, tastes that one tap in school:

A tier water at 3 am.

S tier.

12 pm water f tier.

My little sister that is 10 is so ugly her hairline can't even be found by Dora the Explorer.

Funny how "Hawking" rhymes with "talking" and "walking," and he can't do either.

And the first four letters of his Christian name spell "step," and he also can't do that.

There once was a man that wanted to join a group of right-handed men, but he wrote with the other hand. He got left behind.

Q: What kind of club do roosters go to? A: The Chicken Strip.

I made that one up.

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.

I'm so depressed that when I smile, my Face ID doesn't recognize me.