That jokes

What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?

"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."

I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.

Waiter: "Here you go, one medium-rare steak."

Me: "I like it well done."

Waiter: "Thanks, that means a lot!"

You're so ugly that your birth certificate is an apology.

When you know you have a gay friend, but you find out that they like you!

Your forehead's so big that I was tryna figure out if that was you or the moon.

I heard that the World Orphan Organization has a sponsor... DC Comics.

Guys, you shouldn't joke about 9/11.

My great-uncle died that day. Best damn pilot in Iraq.

My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?

I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.

I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.

I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...

I used to be emo.

If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?

A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."

His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."

I wanted to make a joke about clocks, but I got no time for that.

There once was a man that wanted to join a group of right-handed men, but he wrote with the other hand. He got left behind.

Did you hear about that musical that was sung by some obsidian?

It rocked!

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

Love that dress; it would look much better on my floor, though.

Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.

Doc: What's wrong with that?

Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.

Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?