That jokes

Hey girl, do you like Harry Potter?

Because I want to wingardium leviosa up that skirt, alohamora those legs open, and aqua erupto inside of your leaky cauldron.

Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?

The only difference between my grandma and the Twin Towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.

What do you call an Irish man that breaks up fights?

Liam Malone.

So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.

Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:

Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).

Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.

Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!

Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.

Roses are red, you are gay, and that's it.

Imagine being such a low life that you need people to roast you to have stuff to do.

What do you call an animal that knows karate? Moose Lee 😊😁

When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.

What happened to the frog that parked illegally?

He was toad away.

Get it?

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

I see some objects over there... oh, never mind, that's a woman.

A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"

"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."

Once there were three girls taking a walk in the mountains. One was a brunette, one was a redhead, and the other was a dumb blonde. They came to a cliff and the brunette said, "If you jump off that cliff and say what you want to be you will become it." So the brunette jumped off and said "falcon" and became a falcon. The redhead jumped off and said "eagle" and became an eagle. The dumb blonde ran, was about to jump, but tripped on a rock, and said "crap."

So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.

I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.

I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?

I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!