That jokes
Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman... no other reasons besides that.
What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.
What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.
Pedophile: You dropped your candy.
Girl: Thanks!
Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.
Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?
Girl: How far is your house?
Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.
Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?
Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.
Girl:.... Sure! :P
Audience:.........Dumbass girl.
How did the air beat me at chess? It did that thing, haha!
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
What do you call a Mexican that hung him self? a pinata
Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?
Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.
What do you call a mammal that has no hair?
Cancer.
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
What is the Harry Potter spell that aborts babies?
Fetus Deletus!
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That it will never get old.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That I will never get old.
Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?
My man is a pussy cunt that sucks my dick.
Joke's on him, he just asked me for bobs and vegana.
A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?
She called for a price check.