That jokes

You look like a 2 year old drawing that came alive.

Everybody loves "appreciation." So that's what I named my dick.

So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"

The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"

Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."

I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."

I told my mum that a few guys tell me that you're a MILF.

My mom said what that is. I reply, "Mom, I'd Like To Fuck." My mum started out to laugh, then she told me, "Well, now you need a new stepdad."

Yo mama so short that when she plays mini golf, it's just called golf.

Yo mama so ugly that on Halloween she didn't get candy.

My friend Nickiya wanted to know what animal she'd be. I said that she would be a "Ni-cat-a."

My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"

How do you know someone is fucking dumb?

They put jokes that have been used several times already.

Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!

Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.

There was a wedding so sad that even the cake was in tiers.

A girl comes up to her dad and says, "Can I borrow the car tonight? I want to go to this party." Dad says, "If you give a head job..." The girl says, "You're my dad! How can you say that?" Dad says, "If you want the car..." The girl thinks, "Okay." She starts. Dad says, "That tastes like sh*t." Dad: "Yeah, your brother wanted the car this morning."

Titanic - "Yo, look at that sexy babe of an iceberg, let's hit her!"

After an explosion at a French cheese factory... all that was left was De Brie.

Q: What do you call a Mexican man that lost his car?

A: Carlos.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked at me surprised.

(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)

Person: You suck!

Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎