That jokes

Mom: That's why your dad left you.

Me: Why?

Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.

Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!

Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!

(This actually did happen in real life.)

What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.

Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.

"Wow... That ship is beautiful! I wonder what will happen if I ram into it..." - Iceberg, 1912.

The only letters in the alphabet that you know are "KFC."

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

What do you call Panera bread that has been weathered and eventually gathered and via cementation and pressure, it becomes a layer of different materials and is also one of the most common types of rock in the sea?

Panera Sed!

Personally, I think putting beans on toast is better than bullets in children.

You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.

There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?

A pentagon.

I might slide up to your block with intelligence. I'm a genius with a glock. There's some relevance. Took his chain, took his rocks. Took his sediments. There's no cap inside my speech. No impediments.

Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator. Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator. E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared. Why didn't he buss it back?