My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
Your hairline is so far back that not even Tom Brady could throw that far.
Died and came back sped. I call that rien-tardation.
Me: "Hey, get my joke on that timeline."
Her: "No."
Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.
Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.
Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale the scale said: "You gained another pound, nice going fatso, a few more ounces and you can qualify for your own zip code!"
Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale said: "OOOWWWWW!!!! Get off me, you overweight bucket of lard."
Your hairline is so far back that if you wore yellow, people would think you were One Punch Man.
Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.
We split because she would always say I never listen, or something like that.
Died and came back a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.
Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?
The owners know that forces come in pears.
Yo mama is so fat that when she is about to put her foot on the scale, the scale begs for mercy.
Why did the Twin Towers fall exactly at 9/11?
Because the terrorists thought that it would be fun to call 911 as a "prank."
Imagine this scenario: A doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses, diseases, etc. in the world but cooler like this: "Bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc."
And then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.
Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
Answer: A boomerang, because it is the only thing that comes back to them.
I'm going to destroy your momma's [vulgar term] just like I destroyed that Tastykake.
