That jokes
If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?
Tony Abbott's career.
Imagine this: You're at math class. The teacher asks you, "What's 11 * 11?" You say, "120." The teacher says, "Wrong!" You say, "How off was I?" The teacher says, "1."
Me rn: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHERES THE RAGE TABLE or something like that.
My wife called me a pedophile. That is a big word for a 2 year old.
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.
Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.
What did the tower say to its twin? "Hey, is that a plane?"
You're so fat, that you're fat.
"Wow... That ship is beautiful! I wonder what will happen if I ram into it..." - Iceberg, 1912.
The only letters in the alphabet that you know are "KFC."
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
What do you call Panera bread that has been weathered and eventually gathered and via cementation and pressure, it becomes a layer of different materials and is also one of the most common types of rock in the sea?
Panera Sed!
What do you call Indian dhal that is delicious?
Well, that is DHALicious!
Personally, I think putting beans on toast is better than bullets in children.
What do you call a guy that lies a lot?
The president.
You look sexy with that rope around your neck.
Name a shop that racists don’t go to? The black market.
You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.
Ever noticed that "lol" looks like a person drowning?
Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks fruit punch is a gay boxer!
There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?
A pentagon.