Your hairline is so far back that it dated back to 13 BC.
Your mama is so ugly! Ghostface from Scream won't even make that call!
I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣
Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.
Passengers: *Clap*
Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.
Flight Attendant: And what is that?
Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*
Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---
Your mama smells so bad that everytime she goes outside, she gets ticketed for pollution. She's so ugly that everytime she looks out a window, she gets arrested for mooning.
Your mama is so fat and stupid. She got hit by a school bus. Her reply was, "Who threw that Twinkie at me?"
You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."
That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
What do people use more than you that is yours?
Oh, Lois, that was more scary than Michael Jackson without pants in front of a kid!
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
I got fired from the bowling ball factory for throwing out the ones that had holes in them.
My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.
I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
GOOD MORNING USA!!!! I GOT A FEELING THAT IVE SEEN A FUCKIN NlGGER TODAY!!!
It's just been discovered that as well as writing a book, Adolf Hitler also wrote one of the first computer games, "Mein Kraft."
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
Your hairline is so far back that not even Tom Brady could throw that far.
Died and came back sped. I call that rien-tardation.
