Tell jokes

A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."

"Interesting."

"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.

How do you leave an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!

A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”

What do you call a booty that tells jokes?

A crack-up!

The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)

How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.

What do you call a traffic light that tells you, "Don't look, I am changing!"

Man: Okay, tell me a joke without the expense of anyone's feelings.

Me: Okay, so an Asian...

A magic genie tells Tom, "I can make anything of yours disappear!"

Tom raises his mug and says, "Okay, get rid of my tea."

Genie: Poof!

Tom: It didn't work.

You know I would tell you a 9/11 joke, but it just doesn’t hit the spot.

I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.

If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"

Tell someone to spell "Icup."

Answer: It will say, "I see you pee!"

Is your mom a virgin?

Mine is.

How am I alive?

You tell me.

Why is it so easy to roast an orphan?

What are they gonna do, run home and tell their parents?

Why are orphans bad at dad jokes?

Because they don't have a dad to tell them.

The best way to tell someone that you don't like them is by texting them "370HSSV 0773H" and tell them to read it upside down.

How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.

Kid at school tells an orphan, "I fucked your mom."

Orphan: "What's a mom?"

Chris started to tell me a joke about a nut, but he couldn't finish it.