Tell jokes
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
How do you leave an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!
Memes
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
What do you call a booty that tells jokes?
A crack-up!
You know I would tell you a 9/11 joke, but it just doesn’t hit the spot.
I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.
Man: Okay, tell me a joke without the expense of anyone's feelings.
Me: Okay, so an Asian...
A magic genie tells Tom, "I can make anything of yours disappear!"
Tom raises his mug and says, "Okay, get rid of my tea."
Genie: Poof!
Tom: It didn't work.
Is your mom a virgin?
Mine is.
How am I alive?
You tell me.
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
Tell someone to spell "Icup."
Answer: It will say, "I see you pee!"
The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)
Why is it so easy to roast an orphan?
What are they gonna do, run home and tell their parents?
Why are orphans bad at dad jokes?
Because they don't have a dad to tell them.
How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.
What do you call a traffic light that tells you, "Don't look, I am changing!"
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.