Tell jokes
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.
The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"
The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
I have a pun, but I will nut tell you!
How do you know if an Asian is a failure?
Figure it out, because they'll all tell you their parents said they were a failure from birth.
A man told his love interest she looked beautiful.
And then his love interest told him she had loads of things to tell him.
And after 3 minutes, she told him he looked fat, ugly, disgusting, creepy, and tiny.
Then the police came and arrested her for saying that.
Why can't two eggs tell jokes?
Because they will crack each other up!
Wife: Stop telling rape jokes, it's not funny. Husband: Who raped you this morning?
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
A drunk guy asked his penis: 《Tell me, how can you get shorter and longer and I can't?》
《Why don't you speak to me?》
《Stop getting shorter and longer or I will choke you.》
《Oh yeah, I like it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)》
Hhhhhhhhh ♪(┌・。・)┌
Advice to the Clown telling all of the "Orphan Jokes":
If it's NOT "Funny", then DON'T POST IT!
I was going to tell you a joke about paper, but it was too TEAR-ABLE. HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
I was gonna tell you a great pun, but it's too cheesy.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Tell them to stand in the corner in a round room.
I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.
Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.
I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.
She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."
Why can you bully orphans?
What are they gonna do, tell their parents? Oh wait, they got no parents.
I would tell you a science joke, but I know I won't get a reaction.