Your mum went to the dentist so she could install Bluetooth.
Stephen could not click the "I'm not a robot" button, so I guess he is fucked.
"Did you guys make sure Stephen was plugged in?"
Did you get your phone from the desert? No wonder why your texts are always so dry.
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.
Mom: Did you finish your homework?
Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.
Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.
Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!
Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.
Son: That was cruel!
I call this my great talk with Siri.
Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.
Siri: My mother? Huh?
Me: Did I stutter?
Siri: Interesting question.
Me: It wasn’t a question.
Siri: I’m not sure I understand?
Me: You should understand.
Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?
Me: No, you b***.
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
Why was the computer late to work?
Because it had a hard drive!
So 666-3629, so get it?
Do emos get jealous when their phone dies?
Stephen Hawking talks by clicks. Two clicks is "hi," and five is "dab me up."
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
I went to a funeral to revive my dead grandmother with the Reboot Card, but my family was upset!
Why don't humans eat raw meat? Because they use technology to cry about raw meat is good. Go and leave, bro, I'm going to eat sushi.
AR-15: Who are you?
Musket: I'm you, but from another timeline.
What do you call a router in a thong?
CISCO....(that thong thong thong thong!)
Are you Google?
Because you got all I am searching for.
What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day?
F5
"Why am I ugly?"
Google would like to operate your camera.
