Technology jokes
What is Bill Gates’ favorite equation?
1 + 1 =
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on the iPod...
SHE MADE THE IPAD!!!!!!!
Two TV antennas got married. The church ceremony was terrible, but the reception was fantastic!
Why is the iPhone X best for orphans?
There is no home button.
What do crows get after they buy a phone?
A cawing card.
What do you call a midget that waves at you?
A microwave.
I have so many cash machine jokes.
But none of them seem to work ATM.
Just got a new internet connected toaster. It wouldn't work until I enabled pop-ups!
Your forehead's so big, NASA uses it to test satellite signals.
My local hacker contacted me and told me that he hacked my computer.
I responded, “Show me proof.” He provided the username and password for my email account, bank account, video game accounts, and social media accounts. To be honest, that is the fastest “Forgot Password” procedure I’ve ever done.
Why is there no phone in China?
Too many wings, too many wongs; might wing wrong number.
Did you try the digital egg padlock? Because it is very easy to crack the code.
Hi, I...
Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.
The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.
There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.
This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"
His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"
How did Stephen Hawking really die?
His wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything!
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing, then his friend calls and he is groaning. He said he was having cramps, so the husband tells the doctor, "Doc, turn it up to 40%!" So he does, and his friend throws up, so he said, "Doc, turn it up to 100%!" and his friend dies.
Sell PC.
Go to Croatia.
Try to fly to the US to meet female.
US won't let me in.
End up in Norway.
Female leaves me.
Female gets arrested by feds.
Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics.
Just another day in the defib life.
What's the same with a controller and a woman?
They both work if you hit them.
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it, but I'm not too worried. I think she is joking.