Technology jokes

It's obvious Bill Gates didn't create COVID.

None of his other products are able to release new versions this frequently.

When you're working in the Twin Towers, but you have to turn your computer to airplane mode.

You ever try sexting with AI? Every time I type “I’m coming,” it replies, “Coming where? Need directions?”

I told AI to talk dirty to me. It started describing my browser history.

I asked the emo kid if he was depressed that his phone died before him.

I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.

What did the rapper say to the computer?

“Yo, stop laggin’ my FLOW!”

What’s the difference between video games and my dad?

My dad doesn’t beat me.

I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.

Why can't science be combined with religion?

Because science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?

He can’t walkie or talkie.

My local hacker contacted me and told me that he hacked my computer.

I responded, “Show me proof.” He provided the username and password for my email account, bank account, video game accounts, and social media accounts. To be honest, that is the fastest “Forgot Password” procedure I’ve ever done.

Did you try the digital egg padlock? Because it is very easy to crack the code.

Why is there no phone in China?

Too many wings, too many wongs; might wing wrong number.

Hi, I...

Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.

The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.

There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.

This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"

His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"

How did Stephen Hawking really die?

His wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything!

Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.

They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing, then his friend calls and he is groaning. He said he was having cramps, so the husband tells the doctor, "Doc, turn it up to 40%!" So he does, and his friend throws up, so he said, "Doc, turn it up to 100%!" and his friend dies.