Technology jokes
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing, then his friend calls and he is groaning. He said he was having cramps, so the husband tells the doctor, "Doc, turn it up to 40%!" So he does, and his friend throws up, so he said, "Doc, turn it up to 100%!" and his friend dies.
What's the same with a controller and a woman?
They both work if you hit them.
Sell PC.
Go to Croatia.
Try to fly to the US to meet female.
US won't let me in.
End up in Norway.
Female leaves me.
Female gets arrested by feds.
Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics.
Just another day in the defib life.
I had two boxes: one Roblox, one Xbox.
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it, but I'm not too worried. I think she is joking.
Bully: You're a loser and fat.
Me: Shut up. The camera thought you were a house.
Yo mama is so ugly she's really the reason phone screens cracked!
Why is the wheel the best invention?
Because it's wheely wheely great!
Stephen Hawking got an engine swap with a Nissan 350Z, and they said his wheelchair wasn't street legal :/
How is Stephen Hawking dead?
His Windows shit down.
What is the difference between an American and a computer?
An American doesn’t have trouble shooting.
Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?
Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.
What was the last thing Stephen Hawking said before he died?
"Windows Shut Down."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Discord.
Discord who?
I need discord to plug in the phone.
American says: "US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai..."
Sardar ji says: "Accha, India me to shaadi.....Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"
What did the cell phone say to his wife?
"I will give you a ring."
I think my penis has facial recognition.
When Stephen Hawking died, did they take him to the hospital or PC World?
Stephen Hawking was an unfaithful man. He had an affair with Alexa.