Technology jokes

The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."

What does a shark and a computer have in common?

They both have megabytes.

What do you call a family picture for an orphan?

A selfie.

What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?

The windows we look through.

Sometimes my battery life has the same recognition as me :(

Orphans maybe got phones, but they don't have a home button.

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office account, I'll make you pay. You have my word!

I like my women like I like my traction control: disabled.

If a dog made a computer, it would have a mega bite.

Why do orphans have to have customized phones? Because there aren't home buttons.

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.

Dear disabled people, Just go into the settings and enable it.

What do you call a rich Chinese person? Cha-ching!

Ask Siri what rich North Koreans are there.

Siri: "I could not find anything for this question."

Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.

Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?

Because it doesn’t have a home button.

I love the smell of my F5 key. It's very refreshing.

Science flies you to the moon.

Religion flies you into towers.

Why did the computer go to the doctor?

Because it had a virus.

Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into 2 skyscrapers.