My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I'm shocked, my new toaster isn't waterproof.
What's the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?
One has a home.
Are you a keyboard? Cause you're my type.
You're so skinny, you could travel through a fax!
What do astronauts eat off of? A satellite dish.
Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.
During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: started to laugh and said, "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!
Guess Stephen's batteries died.
How does Stephen Hawking take a shit? He logs out.
My mom told me to get off the computer or she will slam my head into the keyboard.
I don't think she lskdjfklsdjf.
Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!
Why did Stephen Hawking's wife get annoyed with him?
He had an affair with Alexa.
What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.
What is common in my AirPods and the Titanic?
They sync properly.
The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.
Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...
My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I saw a robbery at the Apple store.
Am I an iWitness?
I tried phone sex once. But the holes were too small.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."
