Technology jokes

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In honor of Diddy:

The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!

What feature does an orphan's phone not have?

A home button.

What's the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?

One has a home.

Are you a keyboard? Cause you're my type.

I'm shocked, my new toaster isn't waterproof.

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

What do astronauts eat off of? A satellite dish.

Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!

Guess Stephen's batteries died.

Why did Stephen Hawking's wife get annoyed with him?

He had an affair with Alexa.

Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.

During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: started to laugh and said, "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!

What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.

How does Stephen Hawking take a shit? He logs out.

My mom told me to get off the computer or she will slam my head into the keyboard.

I don't think she lskdjfklsdjf.

What is common in my AirPods and the Titanic?

They sync properly.

What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?

Ask Boeing.

The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.

Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...

My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I saw a robbery at the Apple store.

Am I an iWitness?