Technology jokes

What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

Is Google a girl or a boy?

Obviously a girl, because it won't let you finish a sentence without making a suggestion.

Chuck Norris caught all the Pokémon -- from a landline.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall.

Hate when my phone dies instead of me :))

I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.

Why did the ACLU block the cellphone number of a Christian nationalist minister? Because the Christian nationalist had a virus on his cellphone and kept calling the ACLU because he wanted to join the ACLU because he wanted to become a card-carrying member of the ACLU.

Error code 404. "Will to live" not found.

Smileandtalk.exe has stopped working.

What's Stephen Hawking's wife called? Wendy.

How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using the computer?

There is sperm on the computer screen.

Q: Why can't science be combined with religion?

A: 'Cause science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.

What has two wings and a halo?

A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.

How did Stephen Hawking please his woman? He uses a hard drive.

Q: Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for their birthday?

A: 'Cause it don't have a home button.

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.