Technology jokes
Then: You want free candy?
Now: You want free Wi-Fi?
There was one girl. She met 5000 guys. She had sex with each of them seven times. She became... - flip screen (=).
My brother finally got his driver's license, so he took our new car out for a spin.
At least now I can have his phone he left.
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
What do you call a rich Chinese person? Cha-ching!
Ask Siri what rich North Koreans are there.
Siri: "I could not find anything for this question."
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cellphone.
Ex-Boyfriend: How and why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die!
What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?
You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.
My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.
How do you make Stephen Hawking mad?
You turn off the WiFi router.
My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh, this? I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."
Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.
A man bought a brand new iPhone but returned it, why?
The apple was already bitten.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
Hey Siri, where is my dad?
Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen!
Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
...WhAT-
Why was the computer so good at golf? Because he had a hard drive.
I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.