Technology jokes

I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."

How did the computer get out of the house?

He used windows.

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

You're so skinny, you could travel through a fax!

I made a website for orphans.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.

Are you a keyboard? Cause you're my type.

Is Stephen Hawking under warranty? If so, can I bring him back to Currys PC World?

I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.

My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.

What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

What's the difference between an ISIS training center and a school?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

What's an alien's favorite computer key?

The space bar!

What do you call someone with a pindie spot?

Stop screen recording.

I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.

When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?

"Stop it! It hertz so much!"

Could a phone booth also be called a chatterbox?

Two wind turbines were standing on a hill.

One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"

The other one says, "I'm a big metal fan."

Why did the Xbox player cross the road? To render in the buildings.