Technology jokes

So, Duracell batteries do run out.

Where do keyboards go to have dinner?

The space bar!!!

My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?

The microwave doesn't brown the meat.

Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.

I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone, and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.

Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.

The orphanage was open in apps, but I didn’t see the home button.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy?

Hot Wheels.

What's the difference between Carrie Underwood and a robot?

A robot can feign empathy.

This is so sad, Alexa, play Despacito.

Emo girls be like: How much am I worth...

Girl, scan the code on your wrist!

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.

Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.

Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.

I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food? Microchips.

When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.

I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."