Technology jokes

Where do keyboards go to have dinner?

The space bar!!!

My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?

The microwave doesn't brown the meat.

I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone, and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.

Why do Indians have a red dot on their head?

Because they're recording.

What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.

Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.

The orphanage was open in apps, but I didn’t see the home button.

What's the difference between Carrie Underwood and a robot?

A robot can feign empathy.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy?

Hot Wheels.

This is so sad, Alexa, play Despacito.

Emo girls be like: How much am I worth...

Girl, scan the code on your wrist!

Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.

Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.

I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food? Microchips.

When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.

I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."