Technology jokes

I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.

Yo mama is so ugly that when she went through a face ID, it didn't think she was human.

What do you get when you cross a shark and a computer? Computer bytes!

For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.

Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."

Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"

Most people call it grave robbing...

I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

An orphan tried to make an app about orphans, but there was no home page.

Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?

Because they don't know how to use the home button.

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

Stephen Hawking shows up to a car meet-up.

Where do spiders commit crimes?

The Dark Web.

Is Gwen still on this app thing?

Q: Why do orphans get on Facebook?

A: Because they get liked.

My grandad broke his legs.

To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.

Why was the turtle looking at her phone?

She wanted to take a shellfie.

What do you call a midget that waves? A microwave.

What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?

You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.

What’s the difference between how you watch porn and I watch porn?

The windows we watch through.

What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.