Technology jokes

My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.

Most people call it grave robbing...

I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.

For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.

Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."

Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

An orphan tried to make an app about orphans, but there was no home page.

What does Michael Jackson and a TV have in common? They both get turned on by kids.

Why was the turtle looking at her phone?

She wanted to take a shellfie.

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

My grandad broke his legs.

To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.

What do you call a midget that waves? A microwave.

I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.

Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?

Because they don't know how to use the home button.

Where do spiders commit crimes?

The Dark Web.

What’s the difference between how you watch porn and I watch porn?

The windows we watch through.

Your hairline was sponsored as a Snap Chat Filter.

Me to bully: You are so fat that when the satellite took the picture, you were considered as an island.

Bully: (Speechless)

Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?

You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.

What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.