Technology jokes

My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.

Today, I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around, I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you, Penaldo!

I created a website for orphans, though it doesn't have a homepage.

Q: Why do orphans get on Facebook?

A: Because they get liked.

Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?

Because they don't know how to use the home button.

Is Gwen still on this app thing?

Stephen Hawking shows up to a car meet-up.

Where do spiders commit crimes?

The Dark Web.

Why was the turtle looking at her phone?

She wanted to take a shellfie.

My grandad broke his legs.

To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.

Your hairline was sponsored as a Snap Chat Filter.

What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?

You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.

What do you call a midget that waves? A microwave.

How do you make a dishwasher work again?

Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"

What does Michael Jackson and a TV have in common? They both get turned on by kids.

What’s the difference between how you watch porn and I watch porn?

The windows we watch through.

What do you call Stephen Hawking's wife? Siri.

I added Paul Walker on my Xbox, but all he does is sit on the dashboard.

A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."

Now touring: Stephen Hawking unplugged.