Is Gwen still on this app thing?
Stephen Hawking shows up to a car meet-up.
Where do spiders commit crimes?
The Dark Web.
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
My grandad broke his legs.
To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.
Your hairline was sponsored as a Snap Chat Filter.
Roses are red, I'm not a boaster.
Elon must've got rushed to the hospital after impregnating a toaster.
What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?
You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.
What do you call a midget that waves? A microwave.
What do you call Stephen Hawking's wife? Siri.
A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."
Now touring: Stephen Hawking unplugged.
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What was on Stephen Hawking's gravestone? "Intel inside."
Why don't Japanese people like iPhones?
Because they are afraid of American airdrops.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite TV show?
Robot Wars.
Why is there no woman on the moon?
Because it doesn't need to be cleaned.
Am I the only one who's on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop and I can't use my phone in class?
Cows go moo.
I bought a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle.
So I bought a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle.
So THEN I bought a LED whistle but it steel wooden LED me whistle.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He ran out of battery life.
