Swimming jokes
What do you think fish tasted like before women started swimming?
Your mum sunk in the pool because she had a big butt.
Me: What's yellow and can't swim?
My sister: What??
Me: A school bus filled with kids.
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
The ocean didn't start smelling like fish until women started swimming in it.
Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.
Why didn't the squirrel want to go swimming? Because he didn't want to get his nuts wet!
Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Why doesn't Adele swim properly?
Because she's rolling in the deep. 🤽♂️
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
Did you hear about the nurse who couldn’t swim?
She ended up under the doc[tor].
What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.
Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
TITANic
Why did the cantaloupe 🍈 jump into the pool?
It wanted to become a watermelon 🍉.
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
If you watch "Jaws" backward, it will be a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.
I told one of my friends, "You're the reason why gene pools have lifeguards."