Swimming jokes
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.
Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled "vodka" and the lake changed into vodka.
Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled "beer" and the lake changed into beer.
American ran to dive, slipped, and said, "oh shit."
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain. "Quick, let's swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!"
Your mum sunk in the pool because she had a big butt.
What do you call a Titan who can't swim?
Titanic!
Imagine the Titanic with a lisp. It would be unthinkable. My version is imagine the Titanic with a lisp, it would be unsinkable.
What did the front half of the Titanic say to the other half when it hit the iceberg? I'm breaking up with you.
What's yellow and can't swim?
Georgie.
What do you call an Iraqi swimming in the water?
A bath bomb.
If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.
If we can't see air, can fish see water?
How did the hipster drown? He ice-skated before it was cool.
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
Why did the cantaloupe 🍈 jump into the pool? It wanted to become a watermelon 🍉.
The tortoise was swimming through the lake. His head got stuck in plastic. He said, "Oh dam."
Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.
For every blonde in the world,
scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
There is a rich child and a poor child. The rich child invites the poor child to his house and shows him all the toys and tells him: "Look at what a beautiful radio-controlled airplane I have! You don't have it because you are poor!" The poor child answers: "You're right, it's very nice, but I have one thing that you don't have!" The rich child then invites him into the garden and shows him the swimming pool, the trampoline, and all the other games that can be done outdoors and says to the poor child: "Look at that beautiful swimming pool I have! It is very big; you don't have it because you are poor!" And the poor child says: "Beautiful, it is really beautiful! But one thing that you don't have." So the rich child feels bad. He says: "Wait, but I'm rich! How is it possible? I have everything I want because I'm rich. Why do you have something that I don't have?" And the poor child says: "I have cancer!"
Why did Sally drown in the pool?
She had no arms, remember.
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
What do you call a swimming terrorist? A bath bomb.
Osama Bin Laden thrown in ocean!
People who helped with the Twin Towers destruction: ...