Swimming jokes
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and swim in some shit. Jack forgot to bring some goggles and floaty, and now they have a daughter.
Secret: Jill didn’t go in the shit yet. Jack went in first and died! :D
One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.
Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”
Friend 1: “Yeah.”
Friend 2: “Yea.”
Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”
Friend 3: “I love anime.”
Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?
Your dog's gone.
Your finances are done.
And your floaties.
A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.
Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."
Adam and Eve were sitting on the beach one day, and Eve says to Adam, "Let's go for a swim." Adam replies, "I'm not in the mood."
She says, "Okay, I will go by myself." She puts her toes in the water and splashes around and says, "The water is beautiful, come in!" Adam replies, "Na, still not in the mood."
Eve wades into the water until she gets to her waist. Adam jumps up and yells at Eve standing waist deep and says, "Oh no, now all the fish are gonna smell like that!"
Why didn't the squirrel want to go swimming? Because he didn't want to get his nuts wet!
Why don’t Mexicans have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim are in the USA.
What do you call black people in pool?
Coco Pops.
Do you want to go to the pool?
Yes? Well, water you waiting for?
Question: How did the cat cross the river?
Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.
Why did Sally drown in the pool?
She didn't have any arms, remember!
A dolphin swims into a bar and looks at the menu. He calls the bartender and orders a pint of ginger-whale.
Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.
Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"
Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.
What do you call crocodiles that don't say "swim" every day?
My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming, she leaves a ring around the lake.
The tortoise was swimming through the lake. His head got stuck in plastic. He said, "Oh dam."