Swimming jokes
Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.
My brother was stuck in a wheelchair after a motorbike accident. He became a swimming champion until I took the VR headset off.
The tortoise was swimming through the lake. His head got stuck in plastic. He said, "Oh dam."
Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry I didn't post yesterday! I had swim practice, and a bunch of homework, but here I am! And here is the quote of the day!
"Push yourself, because no one will do it for you."
Love y'all so much!
My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming, she leaves a ring around the lake.
What do you call a Titan who can't swim?
Titanic!
Imagine the Titanic with a lisp. It would be unthinkable. My version is imagine the Titanic with a lisp, it would be unsinkable.
What did the front half of the Titanic say to the other half when it hit the iceberg? I'm breaking up with you.
Why did Sally drown in the pool?
She had no arms, remember.
What do you think fish tasted like before women started swimming?
What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.
Yo mama so fat, her swimming is Sea World.
All right, I know one joke. Um, there's a mollusk, see? And he walks up to a sea...
Well, he doesn't walk up, he swims up.
Well, actually, the mollusk isn't moving, he's in one place.
And then the sea cucumber, well, they... I mixed up.
There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber. None of them were walking, so forget that...
There was this mollusk and he walks up to a sea cucumber. Normally they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke, everyone talks.
So just then, the sea cucumber looks over to the mollusk and says, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"
What’s yellow and can’t swim??
A school bus with elementary kids.
We almost drowned when we went out boating, but I got a watermelon to keep me floating.
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.
What's black and yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of orphans.
You're so short, I bet your parents left you at home most times when they went to the pool because they're scared you'll drown in the kiddie pool.
What's yellow and can't swim?
Georgie.
One day Billy, Bob, and Doo Da went fishing in a small boat. None of them could swim, and they had no life jackets.
Doo Da suddenly started yelling, "I got one boys!" as he started trying to reel the fish in. It was way too large for him to get onto the boat, and he fell into the water. The fish had a nice meal that night. Billy and Bob were in shock but knew they had to tell Mrs. Doo Da.
Upon arriving at her house, they did rock, paper, scissors on who had to tell her the news. Bob lost. He slowly rang the doorbell, and Mrs. Doo Da answered. "U-uhm.. we...Doo D-Da..f-fish..." Bob stuttered, then he screamed and ran off. Billy went to go retrieve his friend. Billy had a nice little talk with him and slapped him across the face to get him to just say what happened. Soon, the two men returned to Mrs. Doo Da's house and rang the doorbell again. She opened the door and looked at the two men and asked, "I've been trying to call Doo Da, and he hasn't answered, is he ok?" Bob took a deep breath and took a step forward with a smile on his face. He sang, "We went fishing, guess who died, Doo Da, Doo Da. He smiled and he said good bye, we mourn Doo Da today."
What do you call an epileptic in a swimming pool? A dishwasher.
What's the difference between a pool and a toddler?
One doesn't scream when you go in dry ;)