Swimming jokes
Why didn't the squirrel want to go swimming? Because he didn't want to get his nuts wet!
Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.
So there was this guy who went swimming one day and got his left side bitten off by a shark.
But don't worry, he is all right now.
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
Why doesn't Adele swim properly?
Because she's rolling in the deep. 🤽♂️
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.
Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
TITANic
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Papyrus: Nyhe heh heh! I got a swim suit! And it even says cool dude!
Sans: I guess now it says pool dude ;)
Papyrus: SSSSAAAAANNNNSSSS!
Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.
Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled "vodka" and the lake changed into vodka.
Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled "beer" and the lake changed into beer.
American ran to dive, slipped, and said, "oh shit."
What do you call black people in pool?
Coco Pops.
I told one of my friends, "You're the reason why gene pools have lifeguards."
Why do oompa loompas secretly take Skinny Dips in Willy Wonka's chocolate?
They wanted some chocolate balls.
Which country can swim?
Finland. Get it? Fin Land?
What did the tree wear to the pool party 🥳?
Swimming trunks.
Yo mama so fat, her swimming is Sea World.
Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.