Swimming jokes
What do you call a Titan who can't swim?
Titanic!
Imagine the Titanic with a lisp. It would be unthinkable. My version is imagine the Titanic with a lisp, it would be unsinkable.
What did the front half of the Titanic say to the other half when it hit the iceberg? I'm breaking up with you.
Two cats called "1,2,3" & "un, deux, trois" had a swimming race across the channel.
1,2,3 cat won because un, deux, trois cat sank!
What's the difference between a pool and a toddler?
One doesn't scream when you go in dry ;)
What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?
One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"
The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."
Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.
When you go to the community pool
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and swim in some shit. Jack forgot to bring some goggles and floaty, and now they have a daughter.
Secret: Jill didn’t go in the shit yet. Jack went in first and died! :D
What do you call a swimming terrorist? A bath bomb.
What's yellow and can't swim?
Georgie.
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
For every blonde in the world,
scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Happy was a cute hippo.
Happy sleeps in the water.
Happy walks on land.
Happy runs on Savannahs.
Happy swims in mud.
Happy takes a bath.
Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
Last night, I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
I saw a Down syndrome kid waving at me today, but there's no way I'm swimming all the way over there to save him.
"Eugheugh," said the boy.
Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
I went for a swim in the river that crosses Mexico, and I saw a Mexican, aka a wetback, swimming across. I asked, and he said, "I'm a wetback."