I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you!"
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
If a cat or a dog plays Among Us, it will wanna be the impawstor.
A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"
Halloween! The day nobody questions the bodies dangling in your tree!