I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you!"
"I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."
Why shouldn't you trust trees? Because they seem shady.
I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.
I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.
I can also tell if they are standing.
I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.
They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
I wasn't planning on going on a run, but those cops showed up out of nowhere.
When I was 17, my mom’s door was always locked. I wonder what she was doing.
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
"Among Us," dada.
I don't trust trees...they look shady.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he was arrested on suspicion of murder.
Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?
When the Among Us has drip ඞ!
If a cat or a dog plays Among Us, it will wanna be the impawstor.
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"
Halloween! The day nobody questions the bodies dangling in your tree!
