Survival Jokes

In pixels and polygons, a virtual realm unfolds, A battleground where warriors gather, young and old. A game of wits and strategy, a dance of skill and might, Behold the phenomenon, the world of Fortnite.

What is Fortnite, you ask, this digital sensation? A realm where dreams are forged, in endless animation. A world of endless possibilities, where heroes rise and fall, A tapestry of triumph, where victory calls.

From humble beginnings, a storm begins to brew, A hundred souls drop down, with dreams anew. An island vast and varied, a landscape to explore, From verdant meadows to urban cities, the battles roar.

With pickaxe in hand, we gather resources with haste, Wood, metal, and stone, the foundation of our base. We build and we craft, constructing our fort, A fortress of defense, where enemies are fought.

The storm looms ever closer, a force we can't deny, Pushing us closer together, as time quickly flies. We strategize and plan, our tactics ever shifting, In this ever-shrinking world, our spirits uplifting.

Weapons and loot, scattered throughout the land, We arm ourselves with firepower, take our final stand. Shotguns, rifles, explosives, and more, In this game of survival, we even the score.

But Fortnite is more than just a battle royale, A canvas for creativity, where imaginations set sail. From creative mode to party royale, a world of endless fun, With friends and strangers, united as one.

Yet amidst the chaos, let's not forget, Fortnite is but a game, a virtual vignette. For beyond the pixels and the storms that rage, Lies a world that beckons, beyond the digital stage.

So let us embrace the joy that Fortnite brings, A tapestry of moments, where victory sings. For in this realm of pixels and dreams, Fortnite shines bright, a testament it seems.

So gather your friends, embark on this quest, In the realm of Fortnite, put your skills to the test. For in the end, it's not just about the game we play, But the bonds we form, as we dance and slay.

If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? -- America.

Mÿ pp

Child- Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa! Dad- Wait, why are you saying that? Child- I just felt like it The next day, the Grandpa is dead Dad- That's just a VERY scary coincidence. Child- Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma. Dad- Wait, why are you saying that? Child- I just felt like it. The next day, the Grandma is dead. Dad- That's just a VERY scary coincidence. Child- Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy! Dad- Oh no. If I survive until tommorow, everything will be okay! Survives until tmmrow Dad- Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house* Mom- Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch! (If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)

What's the best song to sing to George Floyd?

I will survive, by Gloria Gaynor.

How did the orphan survive birth?

u

what is the diffrence between a blond and a nazi

the blond survived

There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off. Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river, she had a gun. When she got out of the river she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.

Watersharky Music Productions Presents Memories by Conan Gray One, two It's been a couple months That's just about enough time For me to stop crying when I look at all the pictures Now I kinda smile, I haven't felt that in a while It's late, I hear the door Bell ringing and it's pouring I open up that door, see your brown eyes at the entrance You just wanna talk and I can't turn away a wet dog But please don't ruin this for me Please don't make it harder than it already is I'm trying to get over this I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories Now I can't say goodbye if you stay here the whole night You see, it's hard to find an end to something that you keep beginning Over and over again I promise that the ending always stays the same So there's no good reason in make believing that we could ever exist again I can't be your friend, can't be your lover Can't be the reason we hold back each other from falling in love With somebody other than me I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories Since you came I guess I'll let you stay For as long as it takes To grab your books and your coat And that one good cologne That you bought when we were fighting 'Cause it's still on my clothes, everything that I own And it makes me feel like dying I was barely just surviving I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories

A FED EX plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa but the cargo door wasn't shut properly but only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane?

Time's up! You took too long you only had 4 seconds to answer it.

How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door?

Open the fridge, put the elephant in and close the door.

How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?

Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door.

Why did sally fall off the swing?

Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators.

How did she survive?

Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off. But she was rescued 8 minutes later.

When your friend gets involved with someone it affects the friendship when ever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend ,we should say I looked like the person you used to know but I've been modified to survive in this relationship if we have an argument and she's there I might disagree with you I'd rather countinue to see her naked.

the cat ran across the road when the car swerved it killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut, the cat survived it all, the cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car... the cat still died why? It had a Catastrophic Catcident

One time there was a happy lil girl then one day her teacher asked how many legs and arms do a pineapple have she said girl: You know those pokey things on it thats how many Teacher says: Thats dumb they have zero. then the next day the girl set a fire in her house and then she burned her legs and arms then she survived went to school then the teacher said i heard your house went on fire and btw you know you don ́t have no arms or legs right the girl said OK then the question the teacher asked yesterday asked the girl again she said what do u call a girl with no legs or arms? the teacher said ANSWER MY QUESTION the girl said OK OK the girl said 13 the teacher said PINEAPPLES DO NOT EVEN HAVE LEGS Then the teacher had to calm down then the teacher said to the girl ask a question whatever u want then the girl said ok and im sorry teacher teacher said its ok i need a break the girl said what do u call a girl without legs or arms someone from the class her name was nia she said a worm she said NO!!! the teacher said CALM DOWN JUST TELL US WHAT the girl said OK then the girl said it.......And yall who is reading my story guess what the answer is before i tell u and btw the girls name is sunny back to story.........she said the answer is A PINEAPPLE then when the teacher was calm she told her to sit down then the teacher read a story The Three Little pigs then the girl went home she got a new house then lived happily ever after

So one time this really rich guy’s son’s birthday was coming up. So he asks his son what he wants. So the son says “can i have pink ping pong balls.” The father asks why and his son stays silent. The dad decides to get it for him. The dad doesn’t see the son ever do anything with them. A year later the dad asked him what he wants the son then says “can I have 10000 pink ping pong balls”. The dad then responds with “son why, I gave you some last year and this whole year you did not play with them.” The son, yet again stays silent. The Dad was reluctant to do it but did it anyways. Now a few years later the son is now 20 and his rich dad and him have not seen each other in a while. So the dad decides to celebrate his sons birthday. He asks his son once again what he wants and his son says “can I have 10000 pink ping pong balls.” His dad screams “ SON WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THESE BALLS!!! I NEVER SEE YOU WITH THEM AND YET YOU STILL WANT MORE. WHAT THE HELL!!!” The son yet again stays silent. The dad, though a little pissed, decides to buy As much of the pink ping pong balls that he sees and gives it to his son. The son is happy, but does not do anything. Now after a while the sones about 30, and he and the father are more distant than ever. The father gets a call from a hospital telling him that his son could die from a disease that only 2 people survived. So the father goes there and starts crying and grieving. Then he asks his son what he would like before he dies. The son then says “can you buy me all of the factory’s that produce pink ping pong balls.” His dad doesn’t question because he is to sad to and buys him the only factory that produces pink ping pong balls. Then the doctors put him in a wheelchair and follow the dad and they take him to one of pink ping pong ball factory’s and the dad says “okay son I fulfilled what you wanted. But what have you done and what do you plan to do with all of these pink ping pong balls .” The son ,ignoring the question says “ this is magnificent. My final wish is that I stay here overnight.” So the doctors and the father decide to and everyone goes home to sleep. The next day, everyone returned to the factory to find all the pink ping pong balls gone and the son. The father was sad but a little angry and decided to search his whole house to find pink ping pong balls but doesn’t find any and they search the whole factory for the son and the balls. And soon they end up searching the whole earth and never found him.

There's a man crawling through the desert. He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his parents had died a few years before in an auto accident, and his few friends had no idea he was out here. He stayed with the car for a day or so, but his one bottle of water ran out and he was getting thirsty. He thought maybe he knew the direction back, now that he'd paid attention to the sun and thought he'd figured out which way was north, so he decided to start walking. He figured he only had to go about 30 miles or so and he'd be back to the small town he'd gotten gas in last. He thinks about walking at night to avoid the heat and sun, but based upon how dark it actually was the night before, and given that he has no flashlight, he's afraid that he'll break a leg or step on a rattlesnake. So, he puts on some sun block, puts the rest in his pocket for reapplication later, brings an umbrella he'd had in the back of the SUV with him to give him a little shade, pours the windshield wiper fluid into his water bottle in case he gets that desperate, brings his pocket knife in case he finds a cactus that looks like it might have water in it, and heads out in the direction he thinks is right. He walks for the entire day. By the end of the day he's really thirsty. He's been sweating all day, and his lips are starting to crack. He's reapplied the sunblock twice, and tried to stay under the umbrella, but he still feels sunburned. The windshield wiper fluid sloshing in the bottle in his pocket is really getting tempting now. He knows that it's mainly water and some ethanol and coloring, but he also knows that they add some kind of poison to it to keep people from drinking it. He wonders what the poison is, and whether the poison would be worse than dying of thirst. He pushes on, trying to get to that small town before dark. By the end of the day he starts getting worried. He figures he's been walking at least 3 miles an hour, according to his watch for over 10 hours. That means that if his estimate was right that he should be close to the town. But he doesn't recognize any of this. He had to cross a dry creek bed a mile or two back, and he doesn't remember coming through it in the SUV. He figures that maybe he got his direction off just a little and that the dry creek bed was just off to one side of his path. He tells himself that he's close, and that after dark he'll start seeing the town lights over one of these hills, and that'll be all he needs. As it gets dim enough that he starts stumbling over small rocks and things, he finds a spot and sits down to wait for full dark and the town lights. Full dark comes before he knows it. He must have dozed off. He stands back up and turns all the way around. He sees nothing but stars. He wakes up the next morning feeling absolutely lousy. His eyes are gummy and his mouth and nose feel like they're full of sand. He so thirsty that he can't even swallow. He barely got any sleep because it was so cold. He'd forgotten how cold it got at night in the desert and hadn't noticed it the night before because he'd been in his car. He knows the Rule of Threes - three minutes without air, three days without water, three weeks without food - then you die. Some people can make it a little longer, in the best situations. But the desert heat and having to walk and sweat isn't the best situation to be without water. He figures, unless he finds water, this is his last day. He rinses his mouth out with a little of the windshield wiper fluid. He waits a while after spitting that little bit out, to see if his mouth goes numb, or he feels dizzy or something. Has his mouth gone numb? Is it just in his mind? He's not sure. He'll go a little farther, and if he still doesn't find water, he'll try drinking some of the fluid. Then he has to face his next, harder question - which way does he go from here? Does he keep walking the same way he was yesterday (assuming that he still knows which way that is), or does he try a new direction? He has no idea what to do. Looking at the hills and dunes around him, he thinks he knows the direction he was heading before. Just going by a feeling, he points himself somewhat to the left of that, and starts walking. As he walks, the day starts heating up. The desert, too cold just a couple of hours before, soon becomes an oven again. He sweats a little at first, and then stops. He starts getting worried at that - when you stop sweating he knows that means you're in trouble - usually right before heat stroke. He decides that it's time to try the windshield wiper fluid. He can't wait any longer - if he passes out, he's dead. He stops in the shade of a large rock, and takes the bottle.

“BETTER NATE THAN LEVER!!!”

|Chapter #1|

“Hey Matthew, how is our world doing,” I asked Matthew through the mic. My name is Kai and Matthew was my best friend and my brother, well, stepbrother he lives with my dad along with Clara my little sis. Matthew and I were born in the same year but with different parents, he is like my twin. Our birthday is the same, march, 21, 2009, then Matthew responds, “It’s doing fine. I finished building the second floor of the house” we were playing Minecraft java edition, in hardcore so if we died we would lose the world. we had made it so far in survival mode. just then I heard someone knocking on my door to my room. I went to go see who it was but just as I got out of my chair, the computer made a weird sound and I heard Matthew scream for help seconds before I was sucked into the computer.

|Chapter #2| Survival

“Oof, that hurt” I groaned. I looked down and I almost fainted. I was in Minecraft. I had a dark blue shirt with dark almost black, brown pants. The only problem was that if Matthew got sucked in the game then where was he. Just then I heard a big boom I looked behind me and what I faced was a big crater I walked to the crater and seen some wood planks plus brick, stone and gate just at that moment I realized that that was the house me and Matthew were building then I heard groaning, thinking it was a zombie, and not realizing that it was nighttime, I jumped into the crater. I peeked above the grass block and saw a person, tall, skinny, and had a girl shape to their body. I thought it was Matthew but realized it was a girl. The moonlight shone down on her. I had never seen her before. She was as tall as me and had black hair and dark blue eyes then behind me I heard something move. I looked behind me and found a zombie on a grass block but it just fell down the crater into a puddle of lava I tried not to laugh but I burst out laughing “ha ha ha ha” then I heard the girl scream I jumped up and seen a zombie about to eat her but by then I had a crafting table and lots of wood and a couple of sticks I quickly made a sword and lunged at the zombie not out of saving the girl but also to save a person I can team up with and find Matthew with. I hit the zombie square through the back of its head then when it did not die and turned around I remembered zombies don’t die with one hit but it did fall off the cliff that I realized was there so I am pretty sure it was not going to come back. So I started walking but just then the girl (whom I forgot was there) tried throwing me off the edge Thankfully I got to the ground before she could throw me off the edge. when I got up, I was eye to eye with her. I could see that her eyes were blue just like sapphires. At that moment both of us were frozen, standing there, and opened our mouths to talk but before we could she was cut off by an arrow hitting the tree next to us “ come on, hurry!” I yelled I ran into the hole where the Minecraft house used to be. By then I had picked up some of the wooden planks that were still there and built a 4 x 4 house and pulled her into there and drew my sword ( because I was so good at the game, so I made it fast)

I looked out the window, that I had picked up and seen some skeletons and zombies. Surprisingly there was no creepers insight, well not for now anyway. We sat there for what seemed like forever no one talked; we just sat there until I saw the light of day. I crouched and slowly made my way outside. I stalked the perimeter and saw some zombies burning but nothing else I made my way to the entrance of the little house and I stopped in my tracks at what my house became right there in the doorway. there was a path down to the girl I saved, who was mining the dirt from the ground. I got out of the doorway and went to the crafting table and made a pickaxe, went down with the girl, And asked her if she found any coal, in reply I got a no. to be fair though she just hit stone. There was a lot of dirt where we were. We had been digging for a while and it was now sunset by then I had gone out and got some wood and made the place a little bit bigger. We added a long chest, then put all the dirt and cobblestone we got into the chest. When night had fallen I drew my sword and waited for the worst. Thankfully nothing came except a zombie. After the sun rose I went out to get some more wood while she did some stuff in the wooden house. I had been thinking about Matthew and how the house blew up. Right then I thought it might be a griefer so I went to go ask the girl if she thinks that too. who I still have yet to ask for her name. but as I made my way to the house I saw a figure sprint from a tree I stopped in my tracks. I ran behind a tree and sat there till I saw the girl look for me then I came from behind the tree while looking at where I saw the shadow. As I walked toward her she was walking behind the house to see what I was looking at but I stopped her and before she said anything I explained " I saw someone, I don't want you to go over there" as I looked into her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. “Let’s get in the house before the zombies come, or worse.” as we walked I kept my eyes on the woods surrounding us. Once we were there I escorted her into the house while I checked behind me once we were in the house I made a door and put some dirt behind it right at that moment I heard a hiss and before I could get out the ground exploded I flew far from the house to a desert. I hit the ground with a thud and sand in the mouth I got up and dusted myself off and surveyed my surrounding and found myself surrounded by mobs so I sprinted for my life as an arrow whizzed past me

|Chapter #4|

Supplies

I ran for something like wood or something I could but the desert supplied me with none of that and I realized that I would have to take this into my own hands I hit a dead bush and got a stick and turned around and hit the nearest thing to me which was a creeper I turned again and ran until I saw daylight. I had found a temple which I hid in. I punched the wool and made my way down to the chests. As I made my way down I took some extra sand just in case and once I was able to get in the chests and found a golden apple, Redstone dust, paper, and bones I took all of this. Just in case I needed them, I slowly made my way up and out of the temple. I walked until I saw the night approach so I dug down a little bit and made a little cutout in the sand so I didn’t have to face the mobs again. It had been the morning by the time I dug myself out. When I got out I gazed upon the beautiful sunrise mobs were burning up in the sunlight and a couple of creepers and a spider or two I waited until I saw no more mods other than a creeper and the spiders I knew the spiders won’t hurt me but the creepers would. So I crouched and snuck behind the creeper and bumped into the spider but all it did was make a hiss. I quickly turned around and to my surprise, the creeper was just standing there like nothing ever happened so I stayed crouched and walked a little further once I was a safe distance away I got up and made my way to the lights to the close village nearby. As I got there I saw no iron golem or villagers so I thought to myself that they were probably inside their houses as I walked past two of the houses I saw some spider webs and stained glass and realized that this is an abandoned village and found some iron with zombies everywhere and most of them had helmets so that was the reason they weren’t burning up. I had to find some supplies before I battled the zombies so I took as much stuff from the village that I could and put on some iron armor and got out an iron sword. I knew what the danger was if I died but I’m still going to do it. I made my way to where the zombies were and as I set foot in their sight they came after me. I jumped quickly when I touched the ground I had impaled the first zombie and threw it at another zombie and stabbed through both of them but when I thought it was getting better I saw an arrow hit my sword I looked up from the battle and mess I created to my right there was an evoker and a pillager with a crossbow I dashed for the nearest house and dove in. I heard arrows hitting the ground and the walls around me. I knew there was no way out, not unless I fight, so I drew my sword again just as a pillager walked in it distracted me from what it was really doing, it moved out of the doorway and to what I saw was an evoker about to hit I jumped up when I saw some teeth about to come and threw my sword at the pillager, who was trying to shoot me, and when I hit the ground I stole my sword back from the dead body of the pillager and chucked it at the evoker whether it hit or not I didn't care the only thing I wanted to do was get away from here. I made a wild dash out the door. I ran past the dead iron golem and stole the iron ingots from the illiger that had killed the iron golem. I ran as far away from the village as possible and looked behind me to see what the village had become.

I hated the look of the burning town and all the villagers dying left and right. I guess I didn't see the villagers before and as I looked beyond there was another village already half-burnt. I wanted to rage and kill everything in sight, I decided not to because I only had an iron sword from the blacksmith. I turned my back to the village and walked toward the forest that was beyond the desert. As I walked I could tell that the sun was fading away and the moon was rising. I ran as fast as I could toward the forest. I didn’t want to get caught in the night fighting again. I could not afford to die, not here anyway. Once I got to the forest I could tell someone had been here because there had been a space cleared and there was wood missing in some of the trees plus there was a hole in the ground about 10 feet from me. I didn't know if this person set up traps or just left but either way, I held up my sword and started forward. I didn't find much after that only a cave that had some torches and no ores so that was a fact there was someone or something that lived here. I had camped out for a couple more days and then started to scavenge for food. It wasn't hard because there was a herd of pigs and cows. I made my way to them as they grazed and found a hole that led straight down. I had a pickaxe and hands so I dug down to the bottom. I found some iron but not much more. It was strange that there was a hole straight down and through the bedrock. I stayed for a couple of days in the forest then once the sun came up I strolled out of the forest dodging the occasional zombie or skeleton I almost blew up due to a creeper. It hadn't been long before I realized that a shadow Was a little out of my pace. It wasn't long before it disappeared from my sight. While I chased it I was kind of curious about what it would be like that there wasn't much that had Shadows around here other than living people. And if it was a person then it could very well be the girl that I rescued from the zombie not much long ago. I dashed as fast as I could. It had been a while after the explosion before I had heard of any other living thing other than villagers. At first, I had the thought that something bad had happened but that changed when I saw a huge herd of cows, pigs, and sheep along with some horses. With a sigh of relief, I dashed toward the cows to get some leather before they ran away. Just then the ground went out below me and I fell down in a dark musty area with Redstone lights going down a tunnel. The moment I stepped through the two-block tall gap I heard a tick and realized that the place was lined with pressure plates.

i was in 4th and I suck I already know