Me and Jesus are really close he even turns the light on for me when i go pee in the middle of the, well that is what i thought until the fridge was wet.
my sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said "pick one"
what did the girl with no hands get for her birthday....we don't know she hasn't opened it yet
My wife and I’s gay marriage counselor advised us to watch porn together. So, we decided try it out one day and search up lesbian shemale porn...
And that’s the day she found out she was a porn star.
Knock knock who’s there bikini bikini who oh that was just a bikini
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt, and guess what"s inside it!
I told my wife* she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked at me surprised
*(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as an helix ruler)
You know the song I saw mommy and Santa kissing apparently santas the mailman
Boy:*Scares girl* Girl:GOSH YOU SCARED ME, JESUS Jesus:*Arrives out of nowhere and said wut is it hooman I got work to do* Girl:What work? Jesus:Coming out of nowhere when people say "jesus"
*guy feels something on his back* “oh god, please let that be a rifle” “Nope. I’m just real happy to see you”
Me:hey I’m your mom orphan:yay you came back me:sike
I saw an orphan and i said, yo.
He said what do you want.
I said, "to be your new father"
"Realy??!" the orphan said,
Me, lol no.
Orphan *Jumps into street*
One day I was on my phone then I got a text message from my Girl Friend, "Hey Sexy boy wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean..." then I just stopped and froze I read the message I said, "Yeah sure..." she replied really fast, "Theres going to be a few people there ok." but i didn't read the next message... she said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." but i didn't read it I walked into her house but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise and it sounded like HER!! so I hide behind the couch and I looked through the open door and saw somthing I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!
Knock knock, Whos there? Dad You came back?
i asked my mom what her biggest regret was for a project at school and she said oh go look in the bathroom above the sink.........there was a mirror
I don't really trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say 'press', but if you press those badges they just fall over all surprised.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her? They’re both thinking oh shit my mums gonna kill me!
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
