When I say daddy my step brother raise his head
A man walks into a bar and there is a line of people waiting to punch him. Yeah that was the punch line.
My wife is pregnant but when we get to doctors something happened..........
What happened?
A:the husband is pregnant too with someone else’s baby not the wife’s baby but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden. He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, " You have to dig a little."
I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead, I scratched it off and won a fucking ford focus!
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday, guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
The popular girl told me "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!" Two weeks later, She shows up pregnant.
... I guess her rubber broke too
This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum, joke's on him, I have two dads.
What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas I don't know he still hasn't opened it yet
Jesus will be history when I realize he's behind me.
wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere
Today was a bitter-sweet day... Bad news is my friend was assaulted, good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride she says BOO! What kind of a dick fuck does that!
Will you remember me in 7 years?(yes) knock knock (who's there)
A man runs into a church and shouts are there any dawarf nuns in the monsistary,the pope said no causing the man to say to his friend I told you you fucked a penguin
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
Ill never forget my mother last words. What's are doing with that sledge hammer
So one day in 3rd grade, i was making this art piece and i was talking about my friend that was a boy that i have known for 5 years. but then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I"M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!!!!" as soon as i heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing there butts off, but laughed so hard, i fell out of my chair!
