Surprise Jokes

I will never forget my grandpa's last words: What the fuck is in this drink

Dad:Hey, uh... Your adopted Dog: *frown*

My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realises I've replaced the bed with a trampoline !

When you realize your friend is standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does

Twitter just blew my mind i was havin a blast until i ened the stream with a bang

When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room

The present: Laundry

*gunshot*

i asked my mom what her biggest regret was for a project at school and she said oh go look in the bathroom above the sink.........there was a mirror

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.

What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her? They’re both thinking oh shit my mums gonna kill me!

How do you surprise a blind guy.

Say, "Surprise"

uR Adoptodded

I don't really trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say 'press', but if you press those badges they just fall over all surprised.

Knock knock, Whos there? Dad You came back?

So a guy is evading the draft, the cops bang on his door and he runs out the back and through and alley way onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse, she complies and the cops walk by and dont see them. The man comes back up from under the nuns blouse and says”Hey man, youve got a pair of balls!” The nun says, “I didnt wanna be drafted either....”

I am Funny but sad. I submit jokes you'll love. Anyway...

Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared if being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"

when u think Ur moms a virgin then u stumble into the wrong closet

>Sell PC >Go to Croatia >Try to fly to the US to meet female >US wont let me in >End up in Norway >female leaves me >Female gets arrested by feds >Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics

Just another day in the defib life

Do one day i was sitting on my couch watching youtube when i heard a knock on the door. i opened the door and to my surprise it was my dad. i haven't seen him in 16 years, so i let him in. i noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge. then he walked towards me and said "Oh no! i forgot the cereal!" then he walked out the door and drove away. i never saw him again