What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?
One was planned.
Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.
Which book takes an extreme turn and has an incredible plot twist?
- The math book. Suddenly letters appear in the calculations...
The Twin Towers remind me of an emote... bing, bang, boom.
Bestfriend @3am: I love you.
Me: Love you too.
*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*
I don't know if this is funny.
I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan. Nah, jit trippin', you thought I had one?
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.
What did the blind kid get for his birthday?
I don't know, he still didn't look.
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Yo mum." "Yo mum who?" "Yo mum is watching you wank right now."
I had a cake for my gender reveal party. I cut it, and the inside was yellow...
When you realize you forgot to mop your room, you hear footsteps.
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
Your mama so fat, when Santa saw her he said, "Ho, ho, holy s***!"
When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?
So you're the one!
One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."
One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.
Where are the others?
They're in his freezer.
Hi! This is a good prank I did! Okay, my sister has this crush and his name is Braylon. So, he texted my sister saying he wants to hang out with her, which I think means date. So anyway, I did this. My text said, "Hi Braylon, I can't hang out today... or the other day because I have homework, so please no hang out!" This is super wrong, but funny! Braylon texted back and said, "Fine, I can help." And I texted back and said, "Oh, will come here around 10:00." And my sister did not know he was coming... She was so embarrassed, she was still in her nightgown! HAHAHAH. O to the k, bye, that's the prankster!!!!
