Surprise jokes

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.

What did the blind kid get for his birthday?

I don't know, he still didn't look.

The Twin Towers remind me of an emote... bing, bang, boom.

Bestfriend @3am: I love you.

Me: Love you too.

*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*

I don't know if this is funny.

Person A: What do you call the dangly bit of an octopus?

Person B: Tentacles?

Person A: Ok *tickles person B ten times*

What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?

One was planned.

How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?

Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.

Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.

I had a cake for my gender reveal party. I cut it, and the inside was yellow...

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Yo mum." "Yo mum who?" "Yo mum is watching you wank right now."

When you realize you forgot to mop your room, you hear footsteps.

If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...

...is that a romantic jester?

Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.

Your mama so fat, when Santa saw her he said, "Ho, ho, holy s***!"

When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?

So you're the one!

One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."

Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!

One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.

Where are the others?

They're in his freezer.