Surprise

Surprise jokes

Lunch

    • Oh, fuckshit, bitch, damn cocksucker.

    Pussy, asshole, cunt.

    Mother fuckin' dirty whore, shat onto my lunch.

    Pisscunt, damn bitch, suck my dick.

    Jesus Harold Christ!

    Shit bitch, cocksucker, Goddamn motherfucker, pussy, asshole cunt!

    Surprise memes

    Butcher

    • FIRST DATE

    Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."

  • 1

    • Day

    • Sell PC.

    Go to Croatia.

    Try to fly to the US to meet female.

    US won't let me in.

    End up in Norway.

    Female leaves me.

    Female gets arrested by feds.

    Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics.

    Just another day in the defib life.

  • 7

    • Jack

    • Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock ‘cause Jill’s real name is Randy.

    Yes, this joke is stolen.

  • 3

    • Draft

    • So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

  • 0

    • Marijuana

    • THIS IS A RHYME

    Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

    Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said you know you wanna.

    Jill said yes as he grabbed her dress,

    and they had a little fun.

    Jill forgot her pills so now they have a son.

  • 6

    • Phone Call

    • One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.

    "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"

    Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."

    "Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."

    "No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."

    "No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."

    "Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.

    "Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."

    "Okay daddy!"

    *long pause*

    "Okay daddy! I did it!"

    "Great job Sally! What did she say?"

    "Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

    Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"

  • 1

    • Hole

    • I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.

  • 7

    • Scale

    • Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

  • 0

    • Daughter

    • Jack and Jill went up the hill so they could fuck in the water. But Jack forgot to use protection and now they have a daughter.

  • 1

    • Prank

    • Hola! This is when I pranked my mom! I took a fake lobster and put it in the toilet. The fake lobster was in your attic, used for lobster parties, but anyway, I put the fake lobster in the toilet, so when my mom comes in she will find it and overreact to it. Well, she did not overreact, she FREAKED OUT OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    First she screamed and then she looked at it and she saw it was fake. laterrrrrrr that's the prankster!

  • 8