When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."
Surprise Jokes
"OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!"
We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.
Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?
A man walks into a bar, and there is a line of people waiting to punch him.
Yeah, that was the punchline.
This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.
I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof.
They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!
I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!
A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her?
They’re both thinking, “Oh, shit, my mum’s gonna kill me!”
Family feud after finding out about Alabama.
How do you surprise a blind guy?
Say, "Surprise!"
Ur adopted.
What does a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus have in common? They're both thinking; "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me!"
A dad told his son never to hit girls, so the son replied, "I promise."
When the son got older, he was doing the dirty with "a girl," and the girl says, "Spank me, daddy..." and the son responds, "My dad said never to hit a girl."
Then the "girl" takes off the wig, and it's his dad, and the dad said, "Good job, son!"
Son:...... um
ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.
Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
Minecraft YouTube, but I can sing Believer!
YouTube, but I'm making a first video in YouTube.
And I record all the Minecraft videos and upload.
Ooohh! To try it and upload. Ooohh!
I've been recorded to streaming, couple more sleeps to do the dreaming.
I finally get to the stronghold, and if you told me, you told me, you told me, you told me.
Place some more ender eyes, and it's time to big surprise.
It's time to kill the ender dragon, go into the...
END!
Take that crystal, take that crystal, Believer, Believer!
Knock him down, knock him down, Believer, Believer!
Axe it's head, axe it's head.
Axe it's head, defeat him.
SUBSCRIBE!!!
The reason why God and Jesus have eternal life and the power, aka (holy spirit) is to control us, take our free will, and our eternal life, which is our heaven. Our time!
Just to show up, in the nick of time for the second coming in full costume ready to judge us. Them spending a lifetime preparing their big speech, their excuse of them hiding this whole time.
Lol, Surprise!
Joke being on them.
As we all stand there and are there to judge them, doing what they said they were made for.
Taking our eternal life back from Satan and the Devil and sending them to their home they created themselves!
HELL!
P.S. With a little extra punishments!
