Eternal Life jokes

And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Jesus said to his disciples, "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life." Thomas came fifth, however, so he only got a toaster.

Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.

Man: I wish not to die a virgin.

Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!

They say we will have eternal life when Jesus is no longer coming.

Has anyone alive ever died?

Is this our eternal life?

God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!

The reason why God and Jesus have eternal life and the power, aka (holy spirit) is to control us, take our free will, and our eternal life, which is our heaven. Our time!

Just to show up, in the nick of time for the second coming in full costume ready to judge us. Them spending a lifetime preparing their big speech, their excuse of them hiding this whole time.

Lol, Surprise!

Joke being on them.

As we all stand there and are there to judge them, doing what they said they were made for.

Taking our eternal life back from Satan and the Devil and sending them to their home they created themselves!

HELL!

P.S. With a little extra punishments!

Life's too short to want it.

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?

Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.

What is the best cure for aging?

Suicide.

30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."