Suicide jokes
Friend: Hey, wanna play hide and seek? Me: Sure, I've got a great spot! Me: *grabs knife and runs to my closet*
Wanna go to suicide school, then time travel to Hitler's bunker and ask him to teach you?
What falls to the ground first if an apple and an emo kid fall from a tree?
The apple because the rope caught the emo kid.
I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"
I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.
The granddaughter wanted to see granny. She killed herself.
How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
A depressed kid didn't succeed at suicide and said, "I'm a failure at suicide, too."
Is skin picking self-harm?
Cause I'm red all over without a razor.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)
Did you hear about the emo kid that tried to high-five a tree? It left him hanging.
Tons of people committed suicide on 9/11 by destroying government property.
Not to mention and by plane.
What makes sad people jump? A bridge.
What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left there hanging.
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:
The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"