Suicide jokes
I wanna take drowning lessons, but I can't find more than one session.
Shout out to the terrorists, your year is starting off with a bang!
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
How do you make an emo jump?
A bridge.
What falls first, an apple or an Emo kid?
An apple, because the Emo has a rope holding them.
Wanna suck my dick?
No? Well then I'm gonna go hang.
Person: What's your perfect date look like?
Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.
What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.
Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?
You're so ugly that you made Hitler commit suicide.
What do Woody and Hitler have in common?
Their bodies go limp before they get caught.
Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?
Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈
I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?
A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"
The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."
Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.
DDLC be like: "You kinda left her (Sayori) hanging."
And Yuri TOOK A SEAT...
On the floor.
And died.
The end.
Rowan
85% of us are good at school, while the other 15% is good at suicide.
(Teach me your ways, 15%.)
God said the first person to kill Hitler goes to heaven.
Hitler: Kills himself.
If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."
Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"