Suicide jokes

"Kill yourself. Stop thinking whether or not to do it, you dumb fucking cunt, no one likes you. Jump off a fucking 3 story building, bitch."

An apple and an emo kid fell from a tree, which one hit the ground?

The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.

You wanna know what I have in common with an apple?

We BOTH look good hanging in a tree.

Are you a rope? Cause I'm tryna put you around my neck 😏

Why did the liberal cross the road?

(Ah, fuck this shit, I'm gonna kill myself!)

A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.

All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...

What did the boy say to the noose?

"Can you please tie me."

Hang in there, ya emo bastards! Remember, you could always be dead. Oh, too soon?

No wonder they wanna die so much. I'd wanna die too if I was a freak who listens to Black Veil Brides!

Anybody got a knife? I mean, an emo dildo?

Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"

The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"

How do you get an emo out of the tree?

You cut the rope.

One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"

You're so ugly that if you looked in the mirror, you would walk into the light.

What's the best way to get an emo out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

If I worked for Edexcel, I'd give Caroline Flack an A* for her physics experiment.

Don't commit suicide, that stuff kills you.

I was watching The Conjuring with an emo person. She said she likes the part where the girl was hanging. I said, "Why? Because you wish it were you?"

👌neck

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.

Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.

Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.

Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.

Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.

Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.

Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)

An emo kid in a leaf falls from a tree. Who falls first? Delete the rope, stop the emo.