Suicide jokes

Don't commit suicide, that stuff kills you.

👌neck

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.

Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.

Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.

Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.

Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.

Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.

Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)

What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?

The wall behind him :)

Name 1 way to decrease overpopulation:

Get rid of all the suicide prevention lines so the suicidal people can kill themselves.

An emo kid in a leaf falls from a tree. Who falls first? Delete the rope, stop the emo.

Clear all your debts with one easy payment. Buy a shotgun and blow your head off.

Suicide bombers, carry bombs and remember to breathe.

JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.

Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!

It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.

I'm gonna cut my life off.

Am I the only one here that actually tried to kill myself 15 times and failed every time and landed up in the hospital every time?

Your nan is gay.

I saw three people online on this site... Hope you guys will commit suicide tonight.

When it's not just a phase and you kill yourself to prove it.

Slit your wrists.

A man walks into a library.

Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"

Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"

Suicidal Man: ...

Librarian: ...

The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"

Yeah, Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah). Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad and low, yeah. I'm sad and low, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah). Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad and low, yeah. I'm sad and low, yeah.

I gave her everything. She took my heart and left me lonely. I've been broken, heart's contentious. I won't fix, I'd rather weep. I'm lost and I'm found, but It's torture being in love. I love when you're around But I fucking hate when you leave. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah). Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad and low, yeah. I'm sad and low, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah). Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad and low, yeah. I'm sad and low, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah). Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad and low, yeah. I'm sad and low, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah). Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad and low, yeah. I'm sad and low, yeah.

What did Eminem do when he couldn't get some of his mom's spaghetti?

Well, he didn't make it back to recovery this time...

Sayo-nara.