Suicide jokes
Penis, neck, rope?
Me: Man, I wish my clothes were emo.
Friend: Why?
Me: So they would hang themselves.
Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.
My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.
Why do depressed people go to camp? To learn how to tie knots tighter.
Let's have toast in the bath.
Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed from a gorilla jumping off a tall building?
It was called Fall-adelphia.
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”
“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”
What is a suicidal horny person's job?
A butcher.
Are you suicide? Cause I'm tryna commit to you.
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you.
Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.
It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.
A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stopped the emo.
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
What do apples and depressed kids have in common?
They both hang on trees.
Random person: Minecraft is actually more peaceful than real life.
Me: Well, screw life. Maybe if I light a fire on myself, I will go to Minecraft (my excuse for suicide).
Why did the emo step in front of a car? To get to the other side.
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.