Suicide jokes
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
When you're fighting with the emo kid and he brings his friends. Now you gotta fight the suicide squad.
What do you call an emo strip club?
Suicidal Thots.
How do you make an emo jump?
A cliff.
Why do deer stay in front of a moving car?
To commit suicide.
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
Flat earthers are completely wrong. If the earth was flat, I would have yeeted myself off the edge years ago!
How are wet clothes and a depressed person alike? One gets hung up to dry, the other gets hung up to die.
People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.
I've always been suicidal. Some might say, "Why haven't I actually done the act?" I'll just say, well, I hate myself too much so I thought I'd stay around for the punishment of staying alive.
How sad and pathetic is it that all you wait for after you finish a suicidal joke is for people to like your joke, but you know you'll just be a failure at that as well?
What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.
What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.
The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.
When I called the suicidal hotline in Iraq, they asked if I could drive the car.
Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.
We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.
My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.
They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0
What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.
Things I would have missed if my attempt in 2018 worked...
My attempts in 2019, 2020, and 2021!
I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”