Strategy jokes
Three boy chihuahua were hot about this girl chihuahua. She tells them, "I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence."
First dog says, "I love cheese, but liver is bland."
She replies, "Really original."
Next dog, "I love liver, but cheese makes me constipated."
She replies, "Ew, gross."
Third dog steps up, "Man, liver alone cheese mine."
Winner dog 3.
Why are Indian people bad at Monopoly?
Because whenever they hit the corner, they build a shop.
What do you say to the USA after 9/11? Checkmate.
My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.
Why did England beat Germany in World War Two?
Scissors beat paper.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
They already lost 2 towers.
How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
Why doesn’t the US want to play chess with the UK?
The US is already down 2 towers, and the UK has an unkillable queen.
"If you can't win, lose."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!
Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!
This huntsman also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear.
Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,
He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!
I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!
Meanwhile...
there’s This cat!!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....
Easy pickings...
Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,
DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!
Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie
The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...
LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)
WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx
Being the first to move in chess.
It’s a white privilege.
How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?
"Please get out of the pool."
"Remember, switching to your pistol is always faster than reloading."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
Why can't America play chess?
There are missing two towers.
Do you want to know the most racist game? Chess. You wanna know why? Because they never let black go first. I wonder why... lmao.
How do you beat Lady Gaga at Texas hold’em?
Poker face.
What do you call the worst feeling ever?
Drinking Big before Mini. :)
If at first you can't succeed, then wait to be the last!
Why do Arabs hate chess?
Because the queen is allowed to move freely.