Stop jokes

I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.

"I wasn't that drunk yesterday."

"Oh boy, you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."

Stephen was a great person, and he will be greatly missed, but I enjoy these jokes too much to not stop.

What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let’s make this interesting."

So we stopped playing chess.

I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."

How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.

I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers. : )

How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.

As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"

It was just a prank, and stop calling our humor "plane." In our opinion, it's fire.

I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.

What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

People: Stop invading Ukraine!

Putin: Ukraine? you mean Mykraine.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

Hit your wife harder.

Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?

Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.