What do you call a person whose heart stopped?
Dead.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke weed.
Jack and Jill got high, and Jack ripped Jill's clothes right off her. Then Jill ripped Jack's clothes off. Jack, when they were fully naked, they started to kiss, but Jack stopped. Jill said, "I know you wanna." Jack said, "No," but Jill jumped on that candy stick anyway. Jack gave in to Jill.
Jill got off, then let Jack suck her candy stick. Jill sucked on Jack's candy stick.
I had an animal pun contest today. He started off by saying something. I don’t remember.
Then I replied, “TOUCAN play that game.” He went silent, and my other friend barged in and said, “Don’t you think he’s CHICKENing out?” I said, “Yeah, just stop HORSING around!” He came back with one, and I ended it by saying, “Ok, let’s MOOOOOve on cow.”
Welp, that’s it.
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
We should stop being mean to orphans.
We should be cruel instead.
Doctor: You should stop masturbating.
Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Your ass is clean because Randy won’t stop liking [it].
A man is depressed and he sighs. A bully says, "Stop sighing, you sound like some guys having a threesome!"
Stop making 9/11 jokes, guys! My uncle died in that event. He was the best Arabian pilot in the world!
All these 9/11 jokes need to stop.
My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loves: flying planes.
When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.
Why do orphans live on buses?
They never have a home to stop at.
A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree. Which one is gonna land first?
The leaf, because the rope stops the emo kid.
If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?
The Lenovo computers at school stopped working.
They had to call an archeologist.
Me: Mom, stop, you are not funny. You never make jokes.
Mom: I made you.
Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."
Family all eating at the table.
Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."
Sister: "Stop the cap."
Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."
Dad laughed.
Stepmom storms out of the room.
Jordan, you stupid ass! Addison never bothered you so leave her the FUCK alone! How about this? Get up, go outside, stop being a jackass, and get a fucking life!
Me: Hey, are your parents here?
Orphan: (crying) STOP CALLING HERE!
