State Jokes

Here's how to piss off all of North America.

All the United States is, is South Canadia.

A depressed man was caught on top of the empire state building with marijuana, needless to say, he didn't want to come down.

A child determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”

Roses are red, potato chips are savory...

The United States prison system is legalized slavery.

Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.

How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the united states James Earl Carter? read the label on the jar of skippy peanut butter

A man needs to leave for lengthy a business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special. The cashier quietly pulls out an old box, and removes a wooden penis from inside. The cashier states that the dildo has been passed down in his family for generations, and was crafted by a witch deep within the Amazon jungle. The cashier sits up in his chair and shouts “Voodoo Dick, the door!” The wooden penis flies across the room, and begins to rapidly thrust itself in and out of the front door keyhole. “Voodoo Dick, the lamp!” The wooden penis flies up inside of the lamp on the cahsier’s desk, and once again, begins to thrust in and out. “Voodoo Dick, return to your box!” The wooden penis flies back into the box and the cashier closes the lid. The man chooses to buy the wooden penis, and just as he is about to leave, the cashier tells him a very important bit of information regarding the Voodoo Dick: “The cursed dildo can only be controlled through verbal commands, it is far too powerful to be moved by hand.” says the cashier. “You must never forget that!” The man nods and heads home. Later that day, the man explains to his wife how the sex toy works, and then leaves for his trip. A few days later, the wife becomes very horny, and opens up the box. She proceeds to shout “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!” The dildo zooms into her vagina, and pleasures her for roughly 6-8 hours. She soon begins to grow tired, and attempts to pull the dildo out of her. She pulls as hard as she can, but just can’t get it it. The wife panicks, and begins driving to the hospital with the wooden penis still inside of her vagina. A police officer pulls her over for speeding, and asks to see some identification. The wife exclaims “Help, help, there is a Voodoo Dick inside of my vagina and it won’t come out!” The officer raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “Voodoo Dick my ass, bitch.”

What do you call a born again heteroflexable male that is a christain nationalist who thinks he is bisexual when the LGBT community knows that he is bicurious and that he is on steroids and that the LGBT community knows that he is not telling the truth about that he is a gay man that is in the closet he should be forced out of the closet by gay men in the LGBT community by any means by necessary if gay men in the LGBT community still want to defend the wall of separation of church and state by any means necessary

I was 11 or 12 at the time.

Guy (passing me): How are you doing? Me, an autist: Pretty bad honestly. Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...

If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.

An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. ̈You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you? ̈ The Cuban simply says, ̈See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap. ̈ The other passengers are reassured and respond with, ̈Oh, OK. ̈

The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. ̈You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you? ̈ The Russian simply states, ̈See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap. ̈ Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, ̈Ah, yes! Of course. ̈

The American scratches his head and goes, ̈I think I see the pattern here. ̈ So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window! ̈

Daveon says "Oh wow, she's so beautiful." The doctor then says. "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states "Give me the one my wife made then!"

Yo mamma so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, That some dick cut her off.

I was on a flight to California

but my next in the Empire State Building.

Funny Test Answers #6

Pro Fest-Answer these questions as accurately as possible.
1. in which battle did Napoleon Die? His last one
2. Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed?
on the bottom of the page.
3. River Ravi, flows is which state?
Liquid State
4. What is the main reason for Divorce?
MARRIAGE
S. What is the main reason for Exams?
FAILURE
6. What can you never eat for Breakfast?
Lunch & Dinner
7. What looks like half an apple?
The other HALF
8. If you threw a red stone into the Blue Sea, what will it become?
Simply, Awet stone
9. How can a Man go 8 days without sleeping?
EASY, sleep at night.
A+ for Creativity
Mis Ta
Jun
10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
you can never lift on elephant that has I HAND
11.If you had 3 apples and 4 oranges in one hand and 3 oranges and 4 apples
in the other hand, what would you have?
VERY Large HANDS
12.if it took, eight men 10 hours to build a brick wall, how long would it take
four men to build it?
No time at all, the wall was
already built
13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
Any way you
very
want, because a concrete floor
hard to crack.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"

What do you call the United States of America under a Joe Biden presidency? Answer: The Democratic People’s Socialist States of America. We're still America, just a different kind of America. And that’s no joke. 😔