What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
What is happening? Which is better: being loved or being hated? State your answer.
It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.
Roses are red, potato chips are savory...
The United States prison system is legalized slavery.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
The Arabian Sea is in which state?
Liquid.
What do you call a decapitated politician?
A severed head of state.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
What is Alabama’s family tree? A circle.
Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama? You never turn your back to your family.
You can't be short and depressed because you are compressed.
An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."
The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."
The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."
The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!
There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.
Roses are red. The sun isn't shining. My mental state is rapidly declining.
Here's how to piss off all of North America.
All the United States is, is South Canadia.
Virginia is false advertising. Couldn't find many virgins there.
The Libertarian Party was founded in 1971, and the Libertarian Party has lost every presidential election since 1972, and according to the Libertarian Party the Libertarian Party is the only political party in the United States that is the party of principle. If the Libertarian Party is the party of principle then why hasn't the Libertarian Party won a presidential election since 1972?
Because it is politically motivated.
