State jokes

My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”

What's long, hard, and bloody?

The Boston Marathon.

You know why Ted Cruz left Texas?

Because they never take a chill pill.

What do Somalians excel at in the United States?

Welfare Fraud

Your forehead is so big a whole state could fit on it.

JOKES

1. my life 2. pat as a cat.

I can't sleep, that's because you're dead.

Your life.

Your life is the joke.

Hi! I’m going back home.

Eggshausted.

What do you call an old snowman?

Answer: Water.

Spell "I hod."

Your hairline is so far back that the United States got a front row seat!

How did the United States become a country? It broke all of its states.

I put my heart and soul in my report, then my teacher says:

"Hey KIDS were going to repeat making current events about our state til we DIE."

....No wonder when kids leave school they're soulless.

RIP Meh Soul.

My friend's life.

Q. What do you call a hooker in a vegetative state? A. A thot incapable of thought.

There are three states you don't mess with when trying to take over the United States:

Alaska because they have three times more guns than people because of the bears.

Texas because, well, it's Texas. Where else have all of the guns been going?

Lastly, Florida. Florida is the absolute definition of Trigger Happy Redneck.

What do you call a dead human?

A DEAD HUMAN! HAHAHahahah ha.. ha.. ha Am I the only one laughing?