State jokes
What do Somalians excel at in the United States?
Welfare fraud.
The Golden State? More like your mum's state...
What does the f in orphan stand for? Family.
My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”
You know why Ted Cruz left Texas?
Because they never take a chill pill.
An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.
They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.
"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.
The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.
"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."
They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.
"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.
When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.
"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."
Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.
The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.
"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.
"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."
JOKES
1. my life 2. pat as a cat.
Your forehead is so big a whole state could fit on it.
I can't sleep, that's because you're dead.
Your life.
Hi! I’m going back home.
Your life is the joke.
Q. What do you call a hooker in a vegetative state? A. A thot incapable of thought.
Your hairline is so far back that the United States got a front row seat!
What's long, hard, and bloody?
The Boston Marathon.
My friend's life.
Eggshausted.
How did the United States become a country? It broke all of its states.
Spell "I hod."
I put my heart and soul in my report, then my teacher says:
"Hey KIDS were going to repeat making current events about our state til we DIE."
....No wonder when kids leave school they're soulless.
RIP Meh Soul.