I could be red, I could be orange, I could be yellow, I could be green, I could be blue, I could be purple, but I would be dead.
A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
One day I visited my friend in a hospital.
I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"
Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.
Texas be like, "We vote to freeze ourselves!"
What do you call California during a forest fire?
Completely normal.
I was about to joke about your life, but I think your life is already a joke.
Family feud after finding out about Alabama.
Jack and Jill went up a hill his condom ripped and now they are from Alabama
I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."
Why did the old man win in a fight? Because he was stressed.
Why in Alabama people don't use doggy style... Cuz you don't turn your back to your family.
There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.
Why do orphans want to be communist?
So they would have a motherland.
What do you call the United States of America under a Joe Biden presidency?
Answer: The Democratic People’s Socialist States of America. We're still America, just a different kind of America. And that’s no joke. 😔
A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”
Define abnormal life.
Waking up every day living a sane life!
What is happening? Which is better: being loved or being hated? State your answer.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a cigar, a Kobe jersey, a MAC-10, a Lambo Huracan with a bumper delete, and a Toyota Tacoma with an M249 on the back. Then I'll have Afghanistan as the 51st state by midnight.
Your forehead is so big, if you fell, you would knock out your whole state cold.
