University jokes
Why doesn't the Sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees.
Your hairline is like the universe, still waiting to be discovered.
Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.
Sonic can run around the world in a second.
In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.
What's the darkest point in the universe?
The inside of a KFC.
Fun fact: Most of the black holes in the universe are found in Africa!
Why did the slave go to college?
To get his master's degree.
What college can Stephen Hawking not attend?
"Stand" Ford University. :3
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.
I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
"Sir, we noticed a 2-year gap in your resume."
"That was when I went to Yale."
"A Yale man? Well, you're hired!"
"Thanks! I really need this yob!"
What's worse than having an honorary degree from Harvard? Being homeless and having an honorary degree from Harvard.
Sex dolls are alive in the Toy Story universe.
Why didn't the sun go to college?
Because it already had a million degrees!
Where did Michael Jackson go to college?
Bring 'em young.
Why didn't the bear go to college?
Because bears don't go to college.
Where did Milky Way get its degree?
At the university.
At first I was skeptical, but the universe has really grown on me.