Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"
Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?
A neck.
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
What did music tell the pancakes? -- B flat.
People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.
If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?
Haaaaaaay!
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.
Why couldn't the T-Rex clap?
Because he's dead.
What instrument do a pair of sheep play? The two-baaaa.
Say this out loud: Alpha Kenny One.
Why is leather armor better for sneaking than steel armor?
Leather armor is made of hide.
What's a rabbit's favorite song?
Hip hop.
How did Fortnite record their henchman sounds?
They asked a bunch of kids with Down syndrome to film a documentary.
Good sex sounds like a white man walking across the street with flip-flops on.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.
How does a train eat?
It goes, "chew chew."
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
