Sound Jokes

I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I saw this one quote of the people who smile the most are covering the most pain I think this is true just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends but with my parents and family I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do. I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe 22/24 but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate saying I would tell her that my depression got worse she went along with it but I haven't told my mum and I know make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist

doctor: you need to eat healthy

me: no

doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after i suggested it died

me: oh my goodness

doctor: in a plane crash

me: that sounds unrelated

doctor: i'm the one that crashed it. do not disobey me

3 men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live, only if they could achieve one thing. They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each. The first person returned with apples, the leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1....2 he screamed. The next person came back with grapes, 1,2,3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing, he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well, "well i saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples"

What's the worst part of about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car? Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half

What does it sound when a dragon sings? A fire alarm

what gets louder as it gets smaller. -a baby in a trash compactor.

Why is it so difficult to watch hentai?

They moan louder than your speakers.

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I dont know if you heard it but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I cant tell if it is metal or techno but it is more vaulable then joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

what does a cow say moo

Why don't women parachute naked?

That annoying whistling sound on the way down.

They toss and turn to the sound of Thunder, but I got watermelon to sooth my slumber!

Those rape alarms give you a headache don't they?

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What’s the difference between a hoe and a roster? A roster says cockle doodle doo and a hoe says any cock will do

why cant you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? because the "p" is silent

So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her can you stop smacking its annoying. Then she said I cant its a juicy type of candy. So I said, I can stop the candies from making that sound. Then she said how? So I smacked her. :)