Sound jokes
A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.
The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."
Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."
So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"
The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"
The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"
Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.
Why did the DJ go to therapy?
Because he had too many issues with his TURNTABLE.
Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.
Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"
I would make a joke about short people, but they probably couldn't hear it.
What goes zzub zzub zzub?
A fly flying backwards!
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
Say "traffic," and replace "r" with "h." It sounds like... that thicc.
Dude, your last name sounds like a seafood shop, Jordan C.!
Q. What kind of school does an ice cream man go to?
A. Sunday school!
Psst! Don't understand? Well, "Sunday" sounds like "Sundae." Get it now? Nope? Sorry. Plus, it's an ice cream homophone joke.
What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?
Boo Boo Doo.
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
What do you call a door that bells? A doorbell.
For some reason, quarks sound really strange to me.
What happens when the music note starts to misbehave?
Then he gets into treble!
There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:
"I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."
Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"
The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"
Why did the rapper get lost in the music?
Because he couldn't find the beat.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who?
Stop acting like an owl!
Why does a cow love music?
Because it can play a moo-sical instrument.
Ha ha ha, kya bath hai.