Sound

Sound jokes

Baby

What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make a loud noise when thrown.

Whistle

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wouldn't whistle, so I bought a steel whistle. But it still wouldn't whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it still wouldn't lead me to whistle.

Piano

What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat miner.

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  • Trade

    I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”

    Pirate

    What is a pirate's favorite letter?

    You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.

    Bunny

    Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.

    Vein

    Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?

    Because everything they do is in vein.

    Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".

    Human

    Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.

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  • Cock

    What's the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo," Tyler says, "any cock will do."

    Candy

    You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.

    Person: Uh okay.

    You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?

    Person: Addicted.

    You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?

    Person: Addicted.

    You: What hit you in the face last night?

    Person: Addicted... *laughs*

    (It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")

    Frog

    What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?

    One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.

    Sex Offender

    What did the sex offender frog say to the other sex offender frog when a hot frog passed them?

    Rrrrrapeit!

    Baby

    What gets louder as it gets smaller?

    A baby in a trash compactor.

    Misunderstanding

    Little Johnny walked into his house. He heard a banging sound from up above and decided to investigate. He opened the door to his parents' room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.