Sound jokes
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make? "Mooo," said Sally. "Good job," said the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?" "Baa," said Jack. "Good, now what sound does a pig make?" Little Johnny raised his hand really high in the sky. The teacher called on him. He said, "The pig says, 'Get on the ground and put your hands on your head, you black motherfucker.'"
I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.
I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.
What's a rabbit's favorite song?
Hip hop.
What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.
Memes
Good sex sounds like a white man walking across the street with flip-flops on.
How do cows laugh?
Moo-haha.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
What is a tuba plus tuba? -- Fourba.
moo.
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
Knock knock. Who's there? Cows go. Cows go who? No silly, cows go moo!
Spell 'Imap' and say 'ness' at the end.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair with a speaker?
Rolling Loud 🎸🎸
What's a fish's least favorite instrument?
A ClariNET!
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
What do you call a running chicken?
Scared.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt, quack!
I love rap!
Why is it so difficult to watch hentai?
They moan louder than your speakers.